


You set my blood on fire

by Alpha_Mu



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 23:28:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 22,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13258851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alpha_Mu/pseuds/Alpha_Mu
Summary: Companion piece to 'I set her blood on fire'. Can be read as a standalone but I would suggest reading this second if you want to read both. Set in the same time frame this story explores what Seven has been doing in the 4 years since Voyager returned to Earth.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This has taken a little while and has been written all over the place from bed at 4am to the back seat of cars on the way back from Christmas family visits! This is my second fic and I found this a lot harder to write than the first one. I hope it's OK. Let me know your thoughts. Constructive criticism and feedback very welcome!

The San Francisco Bay air was cool and damp against her skin as she stepped out of the transporter hub and Seven was glad she had the foresight to bring a light jacket with her from New Mexico. Her nanoprobes would maintain her temperature so the cold wasn't a problem but she didn't like the feeling of her long blonde hair clinging to her face when it got wet on occasions like tonight when she wore it down around her shoulders. 

 

She had never been to the bar that B’elanna had suggested before but the fiery woman had assured her that it would be less of a “meat market” than the last place they had met.  Having no desire to have to physically intervene in another fight should the half Klingon take umbrage at the advances of a drunken male she had gladly accepted the suggestion. 

 

On arrival her internal chronometer confirmed that she was early and, knowing her stocky friend would likely be late; having a baby had done nothing for her timekeeping; Seven decided to wait inside away from the fine rain that was permeating the air. As she surveyed the surroundings she realised why they were less likely to be the object of unwanted male attention here- the majority of patrons appeared to be in same sex romantic pairings. The sight stirred something inside her that she couldn't quite fathom. Something primal. Under the Doctor's tutelage she had never been instructed to consider the possibility of exploring anything other than heterosexual dating. Whilst her time with the Borg collective had given her the knowledge of a vast array of sexual practices she had never really been exposed to any relationships in real life that fell outside of the mainstream. 

 

“What will it be?”, a friendly voice snapped her from her thoughts and she looked up at the female bartender.

 

“Iced tea… please” she requested and took a seat to wait for B’Elanna. 

 

\------------------

 

Several hours later the pair had found a comfortable booth in which to pass the evening and Seven listened as B’Elanna became more animated. 

 

“I mean how hard is it to get the dirty diaper from the changing unit into the fucking recycler you know what I mean?”

 

Seven looked across the table at her half Klingon companion and gave a slight nod of agreement. Honestly she couldn’t really relate to what B’Elanna was going through at all but she wanted to be there for her new friend and if that meant listening whilst she vented all night then so be it.

 

“I mean they say you don’t know a person until you live with them but let me tell you something for nothing, you don’t  _ really  _ know a person until you try raising a baby with them; it’s like throwing a wild targh into the mix” B’Elanna continued.

 

Seven nodded again, taking a sip of her water. They had been back on Earth for eleven months and in that time she had been surprised at how close she had become with the feisty former chief engineer from their Voyager days. After a decidedly frosty start they had eventually shared a mutual respect whilst on Voyager but since their return their relationship had blossomed into an unlikely friendship much to the delight of their respective partners.

 

Seven hadn’t expected the change but motherhood had softened B’Elanna somewhat and their shared anxiety over their trials in front of Starfleet- B’Elanna for her time in the Maquis and Seven for her crimes as a Borg drone- had thrown them together. Truth be known Seven was glad to have another person in her corner. During the last few months in the Delta Quadrant she had been dismayed to feel her friendship with her mentor Captain Kathryn Janeway grow cooler and since they had arrived back on Earth their interactions had been exclusively on a professional basis at the trials- the redhead clearly swamped by her own debriefings with no time for the philosophical discussions or Velocity matches they had once shared. Seven felt a familiar ache in her chest when she thought about the smaller woman. It wasn't something she experienced when considering other acquaintances but she put that down to the close nature of the relationship she shared with her former mentor. She missed their interactions. She missed her. 

 

“Eugh Seven I’m sorry for going on like this”, B’Elanna sighed, “It’s just so nice to actually get an evening out of the house for once without the baby; I hope I’m not putting a downer on your evening. You must think my marriage is in a complete state after the way I’ve been talking…” she trailed off with a sad smile.

 

Seven quirked her optical implant, considering the situation. Social etiquette was still something of a mystery but as B’Elanna had brought it up perhaps she wanted to further this line of discussion. Mind made up Seven cocked her head to the side,

 

“Is it?” she asked tentatively.

 

“What? No, Kahless no. I think these are just standard complaints at this time of life. I love Tom very much and he’s so good with Miral. As hard as it can be I wouldn’t go back” the dark haired woman reassured.

 

Seven nodded slowly, “Very well. I am… glad to hear it” she responded, a small smile catching the corners of her mouth.

 

“Anyway enough about me and my relationship. What’s new with you and Chakotay?”, B’Elanna enquired, taking a long swig from her beer.

 

Seven paused for a moment. B’Elanna had been a well known gossip on Voyager and she wondered if she was the right person to air her concerns to, especially given her friendship with Chakotay. She didn't really have any other friends here on Earth however. Since their return she had been feeling increasingly isolated and alone and the feeling was not a pleasant one. Even on Voyager her only real friends were the Captain and the Doctor and now that she and Janeway had grown apart and considering the Doctors romantic overtures towards her neither of them would be suitable advisors in this matter. Concluding that the woman before her was really her only option of a confidant at this juncture she decided to open up. 

 

“Chakotay had recently expressed his desire to formalise our relationship by way of a legal ceremony” she stated matter of factly. She watched as B’elanna’s eyes bugged out and the woman started to cough and sputter on her beer. Seven stood abruptly, glancing towards the bar, “Do you require medical assistance?” she asked, concerned. 

 

B’Elanna held out a hand to stop her as she continued to choke. “No, no I'm fine, sit down” she croaked regaining her composure. “You got engaged!?” she finally exclaimed, slamming her palm down onto the table. “When were you going to tell me? Why have you let me blather on about myself all night?” 

 

“Firstly I am not engaged as I am yet to give my response. Secondly I intended to tell you tonight which is what I have achieved. Thirdly I know how rare these opportunities are for you and I was attempting to be a good friend by listening to your personal concerns.” Seven responded. 

 

B’Elanna’s expression softened. “That’s really kind of you Seven. You're a good friend”, her smile broadened, “But this is huge!! How did he ask? Tell me everything! And how come you haven't told him your answer yet?!” she asked, throwing her arms up in the air. 

 

“The how is irrelevant. The salient information is that he asked. And I haven't given an answer as I understand this to be a very serious issue to which I should give due consideration. Have I erred in this assumption?”

 

“No I guess you're right. It's just that often times engagements are wildly exciting and the person being asked can't wait to say yes.” The engineer paused, her face becoming suddenly serious. “You do love him don't you?”.

 

Seven took a sip of her water and rubbed her Borg enhanced hand along her thigh. “Yes. I believe so… but… how did you know you wanted to marry Tom?” she asked, suddenly meeting the other woman's brown eyes with a fierce intensity. 

 

“I just did I guess… when you know, you know… ya know?” she shrugged.

 

Seven looked down, disappointed.

 

“I guess…” B’Elanna continued, swigging the last of her beer as if nervous but clearly keen to try and help, “when we're together, I just feel… something that I haven't felt with anyone else… like… a spark… as if my veins are singing… like… like he's set my blood on fire…”

 

Seven just looked at her, a sad expression ghosting over her pale features. She'd never seen the half Klingon struggle for words and as much as she knew B’Elanna was trying to help she just felt more confused than ever. She certainly didn't feel like her blood was on fire with Chakotay that much she was sure of. 

 

“I mean maybe that's just a Klingon thing right?” B’Elanna piped up, “I really have nothing to compare it to”. She reached over the table awkwardly, placing her darker hand over Seven’s human one, the contrast of their skin tones striking. Her voice was serious when she continued: “Chakotay is a good guy Seven. And he's crazy about you. He'll look after you and do right by you. There was a time time not so long ago when I would have killed to be in your position; he's got a way to just make you feel part of something bigger you know? Like you'll never be alone with him around… but if it's not right, it's OK to say so. You know that don't you?”

 

Their eyes locked and Seven felt as if B’Elanna might be trying to peer into her very soul. 

 

Seven cleared her throat. “Yes. Yes I do. Thank you B’Elanna. This has been a very enlightening discussion. I am grateful.”. 

 

Just then a bell chimed to signify the imminent closure of the bar, breaking them from their intensity. 

 

“Geez, I didn't realise the time. I gotta go”, B’Elanna grabbed her coat from where she'd slung it over the seat earlier. “You gonna be OK?”

 

Seven forced a smile. “Yes. Thank you again. I feel much clearer now” she lied. 

 

A grin spread across B’Elanna’s dark features, “So? What are you going to tell him?” she probed.

 

“I intend to accept his proposal”.

 

“Aaa, this is so exciting! I hate to do this but I've really got to run.” She wrapped Seven in a brief, awkward hug before hurrying towards the door. “See you at the anniversary reunion!” she shouted over her shoulder and then she was gone. 

 

If she intended to or not, B’Elanna had touched a nerve. Seven thought about how alone she'd felt since their arrival back on Earth. How disconcerting it was to be an individual among billions. And how perhaps Chakotay could offer something bigger. Never to be alone. Perhaps they would have a family and they would be her new collective. Mind made up she pulled her jacket closed and stepped out into the rainy San Francisco night, the cold getting to her just a little more than it usually would.


	2. Chapter 2

Seven stood at her computer terminal in the Slipstream lab going over and over equations. She felt so close to a breakthrough but even with the combined efforts of some of Starfleet’s finest and the sharpest civilian minds success remained elusive. 

 

“Doesn't the party start at 19:00?” Doctor Spinnakers soft voice rang out across the room. 

 

Seven looked up, meeting the woman's green eyes. “I wish to continue looking over these equations, the reunion is not important”

 

“Seven”, her cool voice was stern as she stood and made her way over to the blonde, her dark ponytail flicking as she walked. “This isn't just any party. It's the first anniversary of Voyager’s against-all-odds return from certain oblivion. If you think I'm going to let you stay here you've got another thing coming”

 

“But…” Seven began to protest, although she knew the other woman was right. 

 

“No buts. Come on. Log off, that's a management instruction. I'll even help you get ready if you like. It's already 18:45.”

 

“Is there something wrong with what I’m wearing?”

 

Green eyes sparkling with amusement the other woman looked over her glasses and grabbed Seven by the arm. “Come. Now.”

 

Twenty minutes later she was ready to go. She had to admire her colleagues efficiency when it came to picking an outfit. Looking at herself in the mirror she had to admit that she liked what she saw. Dr Spinnaker had picked out a sleeveless blue dress with a crew neck that flowed down to the floor. Usually she would find appearance irrelevant but she appreciated that her breasts were fully covered and her arms were left bare, revealing some of her implants. That she had selected this dress showed how much her supervisor accepted her past in that she didn’t try to hide the traces of her Borg heritage.

 

As she made her way to the venue Seven thought over the month since she had met with B’elanna. As soon as she had given her acceptance to Chakotay he had started to make arrangements for a ceremony only months away. “Why wait?”, he had asked, and she didn't have a good reason. Part of her thought that she would feel different once they were married; that something would change within her and she would feel more settled and secure on this planet. Another part warned her that something was amiss, that her feelings weren't what they should be. 

 

Years of practice at suppressing unwanted voices in her head won out however and she was able to ignore her niggling doubts. B’Elanna was right, love setting one's blood on fire was clearly a hot blooded Klingon trait at best, or a ridiculously poetic, unrealistic notion at worst. Or, she considered, perhaps she was incapable of such intense emotion. Perhaps her cortical implant was preventing her from reaching such heights of feeling. That scared her more than anything else. Regardless of the reason, it didn't matter. Becoming bonded to Chakotay was the logical choice and it was inefficient to have a lengthy engagement. 

 

Tonight they would announce their relationship- and their engagement- in front of all their former colleagues. Large social gatherings made her uncomfortable enough as it was, without the added pressure of being the centre of attention but Chakotay had been insistent and she was willing to put her discomfort aside. Besides, she was looking forward to seeing B’elanna and Tom and Harry and the Doctor. And the Captain. Especially the Captain. A familiar warmth spread through her at the thought of the diminutive redhead and her nerves were temporarily assuaged as she stepped into the room where the reunion was being held.

 

As she scanned the room she saw that she was the last of the senior staff to arrive. She narrowly missed making eye contact with Captain Janeway who appeared not to have seen her enter and was now making her way to the bar. Several others lifted a hand in greeting however and B’elanna stood to meet her from a nearby table where she had been catching up with Samantha Wildman, a mischievous gleam in her brown eyes.

 

“Tonight’s the night” she mumbled, as Seven found herself guided over to the table where Samantha sat beaming up at her, hand on her pregnant belly. Even 70,000 light years was clearly no obstacle for the love that she shared with her Katarian husband, Seven noted internally, her discomfit returning with a vengeance so that she was only too happy to accept the champagne that was offered by a passing waiter.

 

The evening passed pleasantly enough, the synthehol loosening her up and making her uncharacteristically giggly as she sat between B’elanna and Chakotay for dinner. She hadn’t been able to speak to the Captain all evening but she was aware of the auburn haired woman’s gaze lingering over her at times and, unlike when other people stared, she found that she didn’t mind at all. 

 

After the meal was cleared away Seven found herself stood alone at the bar for the first time that evening and was pleased when she saw Captain Janeway striding towards her, a glass of Whiskey in hand.

 

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes” the older woman said as she came into earshot.

 

“Captain?” she responded, raising the implant over her left eye. “If you’re in pain I’m sure the doctor can be of assistance…” she trailed off before she could finish- judging by the wicked grin on Janeway’s face she had misunderstood something.

 

“It’s an old terran idiom Seven, it just means I’m pleased to see you” Janeway laughed. “And it’s Admiral now actually” she added, lifting her chin proudly.

 

“My apologies Admiral … congratulations” Seven offered, unsurprised at the way this woman for whom she held so much respect had earned a promotion already.

 

“Anyway, it’s Kathryn tonight, please. Can I get you a drink?”

 

“Thank you… Kathryn…”, the name felt exciting on her tongue, “I would enjoy a sparkling cider” 

 

“Coming right up then”, Janeway responded signalling to the bartender and ordering another Whiskey for herself, “I didn’t think synthehol agreed with you?”

 

“I still have to be careful, but I imbibe occasionally. An event such as tonight seems to be an appropriate time to partake. Also, large social gatherings make me feel… uneasy… I find that a little synthehol can make such feelings easier to manage”. Seven didn't like to dissemble, but it was a partial truth and for now it was enough. 

 

“Dutch Courage- I know the feeling” Janeway laughed, reaching out and placing a hand on her shoulder, the gesture sending tingles down her arm- “Another terran idiom” the older woman added, no doubt owing to the expression that Seven knew painted her features. Clearly her confusion had been misread as unfamiliarity with the terminology rather than unfamiliarity with the warm feeling emanating throughout her body from the point of contact.

 

“Come and sit with me” Janeway urged “we have a lot of catching up to do”.

 

As they moved towards a nearby table Seven noted that Kathryn didn't break contact, instead sliding the hand she had placed on her shoulder down her arm to guide her by the elbow. The sensation was intriguing and she had to consciously restrain herself from leaning in to the smaller woman in an attempt to allow more of their bodies to connect. 


	3. Chapter 3

As the conversation progressed Seven found that she couldn't keep herself from initiating more physical contact with her former Captain. She knew there were certain social rules around these things and tried to refrain from lingering for too long but the warm sensations the touch was stirring within her had piqued her sense of curiosity and the older woman certainly didn't seem to mind, returning her touch in kind. 

 

“I think I'll get another drink. Will you join me?”

 

Kathryn’s dulcet voice suddenly brought Seven back to herself and she realised that had they had stopped talking and she had been resting her hand on Kathryn’s knee, idly rubbing circles there with her thumb and reveling in the sweet sensation that washed over her. She pulled her hand away quickly, feeling her face flush slightly with… embarrassment? No, this was something else. This was arousal. Perhaps she had consumed too much synthehol. She made a mental note to request a hypospray from the doctor to neutralise the substance in her system but for now she was enjoying Kathryn’s company too much and had no intention of moving away. 

 

Whilst they waited for the bartender to finish shaking a cocktail Kathryn told Seven of a game she used to play with her sister Phoebe when the pair were teenagers. When taken to Starfleet functions, which evidently neither found stimulating, they would pilfer items in the name of ‘spicing up their evenings’. At first Seven was disturbed by the idea of her much respected mentor engaging in such activities but seeing the glow in her eyes as she recounted her youthful adventures soon changed her mind. She wanted to see the women's grey eyes sparkle like that more and an idea formed in her mind. 

 

“Can we play this game now?” she asked, allowing a playful grin to flash across her alabaster features. 

 

“Seven!” the auburn haired woman exclaimed, “I’m a Starfleet Admiral, I hardly think it’s appropriate for me…”

 

“Please?” Seven cut her off, leaning closer. She recalled how Kathryn had always capitulated in the past when she had used the word and she sensed tonight would be no exception. 

 

She heard the older women inhale sharply and watched her pupils dilate before she closed her eyes briefly. When they opened again grey eyes met her gaze directly with a smirk. “What did you have in mind?” she asked. 

 

Seven glanced at the bartender who was still busy with his task. Leaning even closer into Kathryn she whispered “The cocktail shaker”. 

 

At such close range her olfactory senses were overwhelmed by the complementary scents coming off the smaller woman. She could smell her hair, her perfume, the sweetness of her sweat. In her mind she was transported back to Voyager, recalling all the times she had visited the Captain in her quarters and the times she had come out of a regeneration cycle and known the older woman had been there watching her due to those same telltale scents lingering in the cargo bay. It smelled familiar and safe. It smelled like home. Even the whiskey on her breath was pleasant. 

 

Kathryn smiled up at her. “Do you have a plan?” 

 

To her delight Seven found that it wasn't hard to get Kathryn to agree to distract the bartender whilst she grabbed the shaker and she felt her heart race with excitement as she hurried down the corridor to the ladies room where they had agreed to reconvene, relief flooding her at finding the room empty. She didn't have to wait long before Kathryn followed her through the door, breaking out into giggles at the sight of the cocktail shaker sitting on the side. 

 

“What do we do with it now?”, she asked through her smile 

 

“I guess we didn't think this through very well!” Kathryn returned with a chuckle, “my purse is fairly large, I could go and…”

 

Kathryn stopped dead at the sound of heels clicking along the corridor towards them, her hand shooting out to snatch the cocktail shaker from the side. Before she knew what was happening Seven found herself dragged by the hand into the nearest stall, the door closing just as the invader made it into restroom. Kathryn’s body was pressed against her own causing her arousal to soar even higher, and from where their fingers were interlinked her Borg hand detected the way the older woman's pulse rate and temperature increased at their contact.  _ She feels it too  _ she thought.  _ This attraction is mutual.  _ At the sound of the other woman leaving Seven gazed down into grey eyes, afraid to speak, afraid to move, but desperately hoping to see something there that confirmed her suspicion. The small hand in her grip twitched as if Kathryn was moving to pull away but, unwilling to let the moment end, Seven squeezed tighter, lifting her free hand to brush a strand of auburn hair back away from Kathryn’s face so she could see her more clearly. The skin was soft and smooth: nothing like Chakotay. She loved the way the woman felt under her fingers and let her touch linger, sweeping her fingers down an elegant neck as slowly as she could, savouring the moment as she felt her blood grow warmer in her veins. She watched as Kathryn inclined her head and closed the space between them, lips meeting softly. And then she felt it: her blood was on fire, just like B’Elanna had said. Soft wasn't enough, she needed more and she pulled the smaller woman's head towards her, deepening the kiss and letting her tongue meet its counterpart. Kathryn’s hand was on her lower back then, pulling them together even harder, the sound of the cocktail shaker hitting the floor echoing around them. 

 

“Seven? Seven are you in here?” the sound of B'elanna's voice broke them apart. Seven pulled back, shocked to realise that she had been so distracted that she hadn't heard the restroom door open. 

 

“Yes I am” she responded, her voice sounded flat and distant in her ears 

 

B’Elanna sounded relieved when she spoke, “Oh thank Kahless we've been looking all over, Chakotay says it's time”

 

Nausea descended over her like like the thick dust of a nebula and she screwed her eyes shut and brought her hand up to cover her face as her mind raced wildly. The information still pouring into her cortical node from where her fingers were linked with Kathryn’s was suddenly too much and she released her grip, pulling her hand away with a jolt. 

 

Realising that B’elanna wouldn't leave until she responded she summoned her voice: “I will be out momentarily” 

 

“I'll let him know” came the response before they heard the half Klingon retreat. 

 

Seven raked her fingers through her hair and stood up straight before opening her eyes, her heart dropping at the question in Kathryn’s face. She didn't have any answers. She didn't know what to say. Chakotay was outside waiting to announce their engagement and her brain couldn't find any words. “I'm sorry Kathryn, I…fear I have erred… the synthehol… I must go… I have to…” she stuttered before grabbing at the door and staggering out into the corridor towards a future that she was suddenly certain that she didn't want but not knowing how to avoid it. 


	4. Chapter 4

Chakotay was already on the stage when she reached the main room. He had planned a speech commending the former staff and remembering those who didn't make it after which their plans would be announced. 

 

Eyes searching frantically she finally found B’Elanna and approached her quickly. 

 

“B’Elanna I need to talk to you. I can't do this…” she started.

 

B’Elanna held her hand up, “It's normal to be nervous, I know you don't like social gatherings but it's OK. It's just a few minutes and then it's done”

 

“No you don't understand. I don't want to do this…” Seven began again before B’Elanna could cut her off, firm hands on her shoulders. 

 

“I do understand. You're nervous and you're even worried about what people will say. But this is right Seven. You love each other and you're happy and you're going to go up there and show everyone and they're going to be happy for you. Now go.” she commanded and Seven found herself shoved towards the stage.  As she climbed up to stand beside Chakotay she felt like she was in a dream. Like she was watching herself and it wasn't real. 

 

When she reached Chakotay she felt his arm wrap around her shoulder and pull her close. “Now for an announcement” his voice seemed almost painfully loud over the sound system. “As some of you may have known, shortly before we arrived back here in the Alpha Quadrant, this beautiful woman and I began dating. Most of you probably believed that upon our return we went our separate ways but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Due to the press interest, we chose to keep our relationship a secret from all but a few close friends since our return” he continued, flashing a smile at B'elanna, “but with all of you here tonight, Seven and I can't think of a better moment to announce our engagement”

 

The room broke out into whoops and applause but despite the din and in spite of the spotlight in her eyes Seven didn’t miss the sight of her former Captain slumped against the wall at the back of the room, her face frozen in a mask of horror before she let her head fall as if she had been struck.

 

Chakotay was still talking. “So whilst all of us have a reason to be grateful, Seven and I feel we owe a particular debt of gratitude to one person in particular. I’m sure you will all join me in wishing to thank Admiral Kathryn Janeway, the woman who made it all possible. Will you come up here?....Kathryn? Can anyone see the Admiral?” Chakotay asked the room.

 

“She's back here!” a voice shouted from the darkness and suddenly the spotlight was turned to illuminate the older woman. 

 

“Ah there you are!” Chakotay exclaimed, relieved. “Won't you join us up here so we can thank you properly?”

 

For just a moment Seven saw the pain on Kathryn’s face before her command mask slipped into place and she began to walk towards the stage. She wanted to scream out, to stop it all, to run to the other woman and assure her that this was all a mistake, that she would put it right but she couldn’t move. She couldn’t speak. So she just stood there with Chakotay holding her close as Kathryn joined them on the stage to offer her congratulations and accept the applause and gratitude of the former crew. 

 

Seven’s mind was a whirlwind as the Doctor asked them to pose for pictures and she was ushered off the stage and surrounded by what seemed to be an endless number of people wanting to shake Chakotay’s hand and ask her about their wedding plans. If she could just make it through this then she could go and find Kathryn and they could put this right. Kathryn would know what to do. But she had hurt Kathryn. Kathryn was in pain and it was her fault. Would she even want to speak to her? Her eyes roamed the room looking for the older woman and she saw that she was walking towards the door. For a moment she stopped and glanced back and their eyes locked. Seven knew she had to move now and shrugged away from Chakotay, trying to make her way through the group of people talking merrily around them, momentarily forced to look away from grey eyes that looked ready to overflow with tears. By the time she made it out of the door Kathryn was gone, swallowed by the dark night. 

 

“Seven, what’s going on? Are you ok honey?”. Chakotay’s voice found her.

 

“I… the Admiral…” she started, not knowing what to say.

 

“I’m sure she had a good reason for leaving without saying goodbye, we’ll see her again soon” he assured her, his hand finding her own.

 

But Seven felt certain that wasn’t true, she had ruined everything. Heartbroken, she allowed herself to be led back into the party, her blood now like ice in her veins. 


	5. Chapter 5

The ten days since the reunion had seemed like a dream to Seven. She had thrown herself single mindedly into her work, believing that if she could only make a breakthrough here that perhaps other things would fall into place. The parts of her that felt desolate would be complete and she could find the answers that so far eluded her. 

 

She wanted to tell Chakotay the truth. She wanted to tell B’Elanna what had happened. But she felt uncertain about what the truth was and what had happened. Was she in love with Kathryn? Was she a lesbian? Was Kathryn angry at her for kissing her? Or for deceiving her about the nature of her relationship with Chakotay? Did she love Chakotay? Had she ever really wanted him or had she just tricked herself into believing that she did because of a need to belong and master the romantic nuances of humanity? The more she had thought about it the more questions arose and so in an effort to avoid thinking she had packed her portable regeneration unit and stayed most nights at the lab in one of the staff quarters. She could feel that she was pushing herself to her limits, she had only regenerated for the bare minimum required, preferring instead to work long hours and keep her mind busy.

 

Last night she had fallen into an emotionally exhausted sleep in the room that she had procured. Her sleep had been plagued by an ominous green tinge and images of the Borg Queen, Chakotay by her side a drone… and Kathryn had been there… and she had been forced to assimilate her and watched in horror at the implants that sprung forth from her perfect smooth skin as it turned mottled and grey. The memory of the image made her feel sick and she walked away from her desk to replicate a chamomile tea to try and sooth her racing mind. 

 

She heard Dr Spinnaker’s footfall approach her. “Seven would you take a walk with me a moment?” 

 

Realising it was not a request Seven followed her outside in silence, secretly pleased at the opportunity to breathe the cool, fresh air.

 

Dr Spinnaker walked them over to a bench and sat down, gesturing for Seven to join her. They sat a moment longer in silence before the Dr finally spoke. 

 

“Is everything alright Seven? You haven’t been yourself lately.”

 

“Is there something wrong with the standard of my work”

 

The dark haired woman shook her head and when she spoke her voice was gentle and knowing. “Your work is exemplary as always Seven. But you seem… not distracted… if anything you seem too focussed… I’ve read your file, I know there have been times in the past when you have pushed yourself too hard… I want you to know that I like you and I respect you. Not only as a colleague but as a friend. And if there’s anything you want to talk about, I’m more than happy to listen.”

 

Seven considered the offer carefully. She so badly wanted to talk to someone about how she was feeling and this woman didn’t know Chakotay or Kathryn so perhaps she was safe. Taking a deep breath she started to speak.

 

“What do you think it feels like to love someone?”

 

Seven glanced up just in time to see a look of shock ghosting over the other woman’s green eyes but as quickly as it appeared it was gone again. “Well…” she started, “there are lots of different kinds of love. Love of friends and family. Romantic love. Selfless love shown to strangers. Which kind of love do you mean?”

 

“I didn't realise… why is there only one word for this range of emotions?”

 

“Oh the English language is woefully inadequate for taking about love.” Dr Spinnaker mused. “The Ancient Greeks used at least six different terms which seems much more reasonable... which kind of feelings have you been pondering?”

 

Seven paused for a moment considering this new information. “Romantic love” she answered eventually. 

 

“Well it's a hard question to answer because I would imagine it feels a lot of different ways depending on the person experiencing it… but in my experience loving someone feels like… like you want to be around them a lot, to be near them, to touch them and connect with them. They make you feel safe and being with them feels like… like coming home. When you’re with them you feel warm inside and when you’re not with them you ache for their return… sometimes perhaps you argue but you're both prepared to compromise and do what it takes to maintain your relationship because you know it's worth it” her eyes glazed over slightly before she shook her head and laughed softly, “Does that make sense? I feel like I just spouted a load of cliches but I guess they’re cliches for a reason right?”

 

Seven could only nod. All of those things made perfect sense to her because they were all things that she felt. They were all things she felt about Kathryn. Not about Chakotay. Never about Chakotay. About Kathryn. Always about Kathryn. Mind made up she stood suddenly and thanked Dr Spinnaker, immediately turning to make her way back to her desk. She had to contact Kathryn, she had to see her.

 

She hadn't opened the communications system at her terminal for 3.6 days and was unsurprised to see several messages from Chakotay. They could wait though. Opening a new message she typed briefly. 

 

_ To: Admiral Kathryn Janeway  _

_ From: Seven of Nine  _

_ Subject: Meeting request  _

 

_ Kathryn,  _

 

_ I require a meeting with you. There is much I need to explain.  _

 

_ Seven  _

 

She hit send and a sense of relief and peace washed over her. She did love Chakotay but not the way she loved Kathryn. Even if Kathryn couldn't return her feelings it would be wrong to marry Chakotay in the knowledge that she truly loved another. She would need to go back to New Mexico and terminate her relationship with him. He would be hurt but in time he would come to understand. 

 

She opened the latest message from him with the intention of responding to instruct him to expect her return. 

 

_ From: Chakotay  _

_ To: Seven of Nine  _

_ Subject: Wedding invites  _

 

_ Hey Honey,  _

 

_ We've already had a lot of positive responses to the invites! Your aunt and cousins are particularly excited. It's going to be an amazing day. When will you be home? I miss you. _

 

_ Xxx  _

 

Responses? Her heart was racing as she opened the next message from two days previously. 

 

_ From: Chakotay  _

_ To: Seven of Nine  _

_ Subject: Wedding invites _

 

_ Hey Honey,  _

 

_ I've attached the final draft of the invites. I know you said to do whatever pleases me but I wanted to at least run it by you. If I don't hear from you I'll assume you're happy and I'll get them sent out tomorrow.  _

 

_ I love you Seven.  _

 

_ Xxxx _

 

How could she have let this happen? She chastised herself hard for procrastinating as she logged off of her terminal- she had worked enough hours over the past 10 days that an early finish wouldn't be noteworthy. 

 

The air was mild as she made her way to the transport hub but her hands felt cool and clammy. She was not looking forward to the conversation that awaited. 


	6. Chapter 6

As Seven approached the home that she had shared with Chakotay for the last year she could see that the lights were on in the kitchen. She wasn’t sure if she was dismayed that her pondering time would soon be over or relieved that he was home so that she could get her unpleasant task over with. Taking one last steadying breath she pushed open the front door.

 

“Seven?”, Chakotay’s excited voice greeted her as she stepped over the threshold. For just a moment her resolve wavered, he was a good man and she was about to hurt him badly. But no, it would hurt him more if her true feelings were revealed after she had gone through with the marriage. She had to do this.

 

Unable to muster her voice she walked into the kitchen and saw Chakotay’s face light up as he set down the padd he was reading and rushed around the counter to wrap her in an embrace. She felt herself stiffen under his touch, and he pulled back.

 

“Honey? Is everything ok? What’s the matter?”

 

She stared into his eyes that were searching her face for signs of what could be causing her discomfort. “Chakotay. I… we… need to have a conversation about… about the nature of our relationship”. She had gone over and over what she wanted to say but here in front of him it was all forgotten.

 

“Is this about me contacting you at work about personal matters? I’m sorry honey. I know I promised not to but I guess I just got over excited. It won’t happen again. You have my word.”

 

“No. That is not what I wish to discuss. Chakotay, I want you to know that I do love you…”

 

“I love you too” he beamed back at her cutting her off.

 

“Allow me to finish” she snapped back, more harshly than she intended. “I do love you. But over the last several weeks I have acquired a certain amount of new information which has led me to the conclusion that… that… I do not wish to continue our relationship in it’s current guise.”

 

“Seven? What are you saying?” a note of panic was woven into Chakotay’s voice when he spoke.

 

“I feel that… my emotional attachment to you… it is not what it should be in order to form a marriage. Therefore I wish to terminate our romantic affiliation. I hope in time we can retain a friendship.”

 

To her significant surprise Seven saw that Chakotay was smiling as he started to speak.

 

“Oh honey it’s ok to be nervous. Lots of people get cold feet. It’s perfectly normal, it doesn’t mean that you want to end things” he said, reaching out to her.

 

She pulled back, irritated that he wasn’t taking her seriously. “Do not presume to tell me how I feel. I know exactly what my feelings mean and I know that I cannot marry you. Not now and not ever. You must accept this.” she implored. 

 

“Is there another man? Is that what this is about? Who is he? I’ll kill him.” Chakotay’s smile was gone and his eyes burned with anger suddenly.

 

“There is no other man”, Seven shot back, pleased that she didn’t have to lie.

 

Chakotay leaned on the counter and let his head fall, sucking in deep breaths through his nose and puffing out through his mouth. “OK. OK you just need a little time. This has been moving too fast, that’s my fault. We’ll postpone the wedding, take a vacation … you’ve been working long hours we just need some time together to reconnect that’s all…”

 

Seven shook her head gently. “No. My mind is made up Chakotay. Time will make no difference.”

 

“Why haven't you told me this sooner? Do you have any idea how humiliating it will be for me to contact all the people who've had our invite?!”, his anger was rising again. 

 

“I regret the timing deeply. I am sorry Chakotay. I would never have set out to hurt you.”

 

“Wouldn't you?”, his voice rose to a shout now. “Isn't that what the Borg do- destroy everything they come into contact with? Do you think anyone else will want you when they realise what you are? You'll be alone without me. Who else would love a machine?”

 

His words stung and Seven recoiled, feeling part of her that she had worked so hard to open up start to close down once more. “I will adapt” she said, falling back on Borg phrasing that she had tried to eliminate. 

 

“I think you should leave now” Chakotay said coldly. 

 

Seven looked at him sadly. This isn't how she wanted to leave things but she didn't know what else to say. 

 

“GET OUT!” he shouted, slamming his fists down onto the kitchen counter. 

 

Nodding once she turned away and walked out of the house, the sound of smashing plates and slamming doors following her down the pathway and into the night. 


	7. Chapter 7

Five days later and Seven was crestfallen that she had not received any response from Kathryn despite having messaged her for a second time to request that they meet.

 

She had thrown herself into work once more but even with many years of practice she was finding it hard to compartmentalize. 

 

As she checked her messages for the third time that day she saw that Chakotay had written to her. 

 

_ To: Seven of Nine _

_ From: Chakotay _

_ Subject: Forgive me _

 

_ Seven, _

 

_ I need to apologise for my behaviour. I said and did some things that I wish I could take back. You are not a machine and any man would be lucky to call you his own.  _

 

_ I will contact everyone who had said they could come to the wedding to tell them about the change of plan. I only ask that you allow me to do this in my own way and in my own time. I’ll appreciate your discretion.   _

 

_ I love you Seven of Nine but I am trying to keep in mind an old Earth saying: _

 

_ ‘If you love someone, set them free. If they return, they’re yours, if they don’t then they never were.’ _

 

_ I will remain forever hopeful. _

 

_ Chakotay _

 

Her chest tightened at the thought of him and what she had left behind. He had always been gentle and decent with her but her heart belonged to Kathryn. 

 

It was another three weeks before she wrote to Kathryn again. The frequency with which she checked her personal messages had waned, the repeated disappointment of finding that Kathryn had not replied becoming too difficult to bear. With no way of knowing what Chakotay had shared and with whom she was reluctant to say too much in writing but her desperation to see the other woman was growing. She kept the message brief, although her tone had become more pleading.

 

Her prolonged residence in the staff quarters at the lab had not gone unnoticed but it appeared that her frosty demeanour was keeping most of her colleagues curiosity at bay. Dr Spinnaker had tried to get her alone on several occasions but she had avoided it to the point of being rude at times. She wouldn’t be good company anyway and she had no desire to foist her personal problems on the woman. 

 

Despite the fact that her isolation was self imposed she found herself longing to connect. Longing to laugh with B’elanna and Tom and to feel welcomed into their home and to feel part of a family. But how could she expect B’elanna to welcome her now? For the first time in many years she found herself missing the buzz of a million other voices in her head, the knowledge that she was never alone. But she was alone. She had broken the heart of the man who would have called her his wife and in the process destroyed her relationship with her best friend. And the one person who felt more like home than anyone else in the universe was steadfastly ignoring her correspondence. For four years on Voyager she had done everything she could to facilitate a safe return to Earth and now she was here she felt there was nothing for her.

 

When an opportunity to return to a life in space presented itself a month later it was an offer that she didn’t know how to refuse. Nor was she sure that she wanted to. 


	8. Chapter 8

Progress with the slipstream drive had come a long way since Seven had been devoting all of her time to it so it was no real surprise when rumours started circulating that testing was imminent. Simulations had proved successful and so the next logical stage would be to try the drive out in real space.

 

Although nothing had been officially announced Seven knew without doubt that when it was she would volunteer to be on the mission. As a civilian sure knew that she would not be expected to go and could choose to brief Starfleet and leave the drive to their engineers. The only thing that would keep her on Earth however was if Kathryn wanted her to stay and that possibility was looking increasingly unlikely the more time wore on. She hadn't heard from any other former colleagues or friends - former friends she thought sadly- since she had ended her engagement to Chakotay. Most of them she didn't hear from a lot anyway and people had their own concerns to occupy them but she had at least expected to hear from B’Elanna. Hadn't the woman assured her that it was OK to say of things weren't right? Perhaps the time for saying had passed. Perhaps their friendship was not so real after all, she thought.

 

Seven stared at the ceiling in her quarters, the unmistakable warmth of tears tracking down her face and into her hairline tickling at her ears. At one time the thought of crying had seemed ridiculous to her but now their salty sting was a regular companion. 

 

She had been ostensibly living at the lab for almost two months now but it felt more like existing than living the way she had come to enjoy. In the New Mexico home she had shared with Chakotay he had encouraged her to experiment with decorating and she had adorned the walls with artwork that she found appealing. The ceiling and walls around her here however were empty and drab and the bleakness seemed to creep under her skin more and more the longer she stayed. She hadn't been back to the house despite Chakotay’s assurance that he would go out whilst she collected some things. Material possessions were irrelevant and anything she needed she could replicate. 

 

Swiping the tears from her face she pushed herself to a seated position and looked over at her personal computer. Certain that she would be gone soon and not wanting to leave Earth without saying what she needed to say to Kathryn she sat at the small desk and opened a new message. 

 

_ To: Admiral Kathryn Janeway  _

_ From: Seven of Nine  _

_ Subject: Reunion  _

 

_ Kathryn,  _

 

_ I don't know if you have received my messages. I see no reason that you shouldn't have but your lack of response troubles me. I'm afraid that I have hurt you and I find myself preoccupied by thoughts of you at all times. No doubt you are aware by now that I have terminated my relationship with Chakotay. I want you to know that I have concluded that I never loved him. Not the way that one should love a person they will marry. At the time of our return to Earth I was confused by your distance from me and I wanted to belong. He seemed to offer me something that I felt I required but I realise now how badly I was mistaken.  _

 

_ B'elanna told me that the person you love should set your blood on fire and I knew that I didn't possess such feelings for Chakotay. I thought it was my fault. I thought I was deficient. I thought I had failed you in all your attempts to restore me to humanity because the Borg had left me incapable of the most valued of human emotions. But then you kissed me that night at the reunion and I felt it. You set my blood on fire. I love you Kathryn. I am in love with you. I think I have always loved you. Even when I was first on Voyager and I was so angry and afraid. Even then I loved you. I told you then that my favourite colour was red but that was because it was the colour you wore. The colour of your hair. The colour of you.  _

_ I need you to know this. I wanted to look into your eyes when I told you but that doesn't appear to be an option. I don't know if you can return my feelings. That night I thought I felt it. I believed that you could. That you did. Perhaps I was mistaken.  _

 

_ I'm going away soon. Unless you ask me not to. You are the only reason I would stay now. Everything else is lost and I have nothing to keep me on Earth without you. You felt like home to me and if I can't be near you then the closest thing I have to a home is to be in space again.  _

 

_ Please Kathryn. Please respond. Even if only to tell me you can't return my feelings. I don't want to leave without saying goodbye.  _

 

_ Yours always,  _

 

_ Seven of Nine  _

 

Closing the terminal she lay down to try and sleep, but just like every other night her dreams were plagued by the ominous green tinge and images of Kathryn turned mottled and grey in her arms. 


	9. Chapter 9

The following week the news filleted down to her through unofficial channels. The installation of the new slipstream drive on the USS Seeker was almost completed at Utopia Planetia and the crew manifest was all but finalised. No official announcement would be made- the mission would be classified. Regardless, it wasn't hard for Seven to pull a few strings given how instrumental she had been in the drives development and it was soon agreed that she would be added to the crew complement as a consultant in engineering. The mission was set to depart just two weeks later. The deadline was sooner than she had anticipated but Kathryn had not responded to her letter and what would have been her wedding date was fast approaching so she was not concerned by the lack of preparation time. She had little to pack or prepare in any case and no goodbyes to give. 

 

The mission was set to last for almost three years with secret dual aims. They would depart from Mars orbit and travel away from the Sol system for 30 months. They had various anthropological and diplomatic tasks to complete en route- the cover story for the real assignment, and then they would make a series of short slipstream flights on their return journey with month long breaks in between to analyse and refine the drive. Due to the issues previously experienced by Voyager when utilising the forerunner of the drive Starfleet wasn't willing to take any chances on a longer run and by having the jumps bringing them closer to headquarters rather than further away it meant that a ship could be assigned to wait for them at each of their exit coordinates to assist in case of difficulties. 

 

The departure day came around quickly. The day was warm and humid and swathes of people buzzed around Seven at the transport hub in downtown San Francisco. Many of them were simply going about their daily routine but she watched as others made heartfelt goodbyes to loved ones: husbands, girlfriends, mothers, brothers. Each embrace she watched made her heart ache. There was no one here to wish her farewell. She had told no one but Kathryn of her commission. 

 

She had refused to make her way to Utopia Planetia early as had been requested by Captain Trace who would be leading the expedition. Despite the fact that Kathryn had not replied to any of her messages Seven still believed that the older woman would come to the transport hub. She had sent her another message when the departure date has been set begging her forgiveness. Begging her to come to the hub, if only to say goodbye. Not wanting to miss her Seven had arisen early, gathered her meagre possessions and been in the main concourse where she said she would wait since the first transport left. 

She had waited for ten long hours, each flash of auburn hair, each click of heels on the marble floor sending her heart rate soaring with anticipation. And each time she realised it wasn't Kathryn the ache in her chest burned a little more fiercely. With only three minutes until the latest possible time she could depart she took a small box out of her bag and opened it to look at the necklace inside. She had bought it for Kathryn. A delicate silver chain from which was strung an emerald pendant, Kathryn’s birthstone. A peace offering? A love token? It didn't matter anymore. She would never get to give it. For a moment she considered discarding it into the nearest recycler but instead she took it from the box and fastened it around her own neck. She might be leaving Earth, but she wanted at least a small reminder of the woman who had brought her here. Heartbroken she made her way to the transport and onwards to her new life.


	10. Chapter 10

Seven glanced at passing crew members as she made her way through the narrow corridors of the USS Seeker. Although these were clearly individuals she shared shifts- and therefore corresponding off time and rest days with- she didn't recognise a single one of them. No doubt if she could find it in herself to socialise or even eat in the mess hall from time to time she could strike up a conversation with someone, perhaps even become friendly. The fact was however that she just couldn't. It was 18 months since the start of the expedition and she had long since given up eating proper food, reverting instead to drinking nutritional supplements when she felt the need which she could easily replicate in her sparsely decorated quarters. She often worked double and triple shifts and she knew her service record would show that she was an exemplary addition to the small crew but that wasn't the reason for her dedication to work. She had tried at first to maintain some semblance of normality, hoping that if she could keep a regular routine then the malaise she felt would begin to dissipate but the opposite was true. The more time went on the more despondent and alone she had felt until one day two months ago she had found herself in the shuttle bay seriously contemplating stealing the vessel with the intention of trying to find a Borg cube or sphere and losing her consciousness once again into the hive mind, just so that she didn't have to feel anymore. If it hadn't been for the appearance of a routine maintenance team she felt certain that she would have done it even though she knew deep down it wasn't what she wanted at all. From that point on she had worked herself harder than ever before, wanting to occupy her mind so completely that thoughts of Kathryn and Voyager would be exiled for good. It was futile of course but the doctor had once told her that “time is a great healer” and as she stepped into the sterile surroundings of Seeker's sick bay she hoped he was right. 

 

“Ah, Ms Hansen. I'm glad to see disabling your access codes wasn't a necessary precursor to you deigning to attend your 6 monthly check up this time”, the sing song voice of Doctor Galis Maru called out from behind her desk. 

 

Seven cringed inwardly at the use of her human designation but as she had chosen to go by it on this ship she could hardly complain. With an audible sigh she made her way to the nearest biobed and lifted herself onto it, staring at the floor between her swinging feet. 

 

“You're quiet today?” Doctor Galis remarked as she collected her medical tricorder from her desk. Seven glanced up at the woman, briefly fascinated by the way her Bajoran earring caught the light as she strode towards her but quickly returning her eyes to the floor once the woman started scanning her. 

 

Several minutes passed in silence before either of them made another sound. 

 

“Humm…” Seven could hear the frown in the other woman's voice and knew what was coming. “Would you step into my office a moment, I think we had better have a little chat”. Seven complied without hesitation, she didn't care if the Doctors assistant overheard the discussion but she knew the protocol and didn't have the energy to argue. 

 

“You still haven't been sleeping have you?” Dr Galis opened, her voice harder now. 

 

“As I've told you before, I don't care for sleep. I find it disorientating. And…”, Seven paused, unsure how to continue. 

 

“Nightmares still?”, the doctor finished the sentence for her, the lilting quality returning as she softened. Seven nodded meekly. “How many hours per night are you managing?”

 

“Perhaps two. On average.” Seven croaked. She knew it wasn't enough, she could feel it. 

 

“Annika… is it OK if I call you Annika?”, Seven felt herself recoil at the name again but nodded in agreement, the alternative ‘Ms Hansen’ was no more palatable. “Annika” the Bajoran continued, “you know as well as I do that your portable regeneration unit is designed to maintain your cybernetic systems only. Its intended to be used in conjunction with sleep, not instead of it. Your human physiology can't be sustained like this.”

 

“I feel fine”, Seven barked. A lie she knew but she didn't want to be having this conversation again. 

 

“Well my tricorder says otherwise. Your body mass has deceased alarmingly since your last check up. And frankly you don't look fine. Have you looked in a mirror recently?”

 

“Physical appearance is irrelevant, I have no need to possess a mirror”, Seven shot back, wrapping her arms around herself defensively, her fingers finding her ribs protruding from her body in a way they never used to, her standard issue civilian uniform hanging off her skeletal frame. 

 

“Will you look in one now if I fetch one? I think it's important.” continued the doctor, bending her head to try and meet Seven’s eye. 

 

“If you insist”. 

 

The doctor opened a comm channel to her assistant who appeared promptly with an old fashioned glass mirror. 

 

Steeling herself Seven lifted her gaze to meet her own eyes in the reflection. What she saw shocked her. She looked gaunt, her cheekbones sticking out in much the way her ribs were, and dark circles framed her eyes. Her once thick and glossy hair looked lank and dull and the pallor of her skin betrayed the way she felt inside. The doctor clearly had a point, she couldn't continue like this, something needed to change. 

 

Both women sat silently for several minutes before the doctor broke the silence once again. “The record shows you've frequently been working double and triple shifts over the past several months. I'm going to have to insist that practice stops immediately. I don't want to relieve you of duty entirely Annika but I will if I have to.”

 

“No! I will comply.” Seven felt panicked at the idea of having no way of filling her days. 

 

“Good. I'm going to prescribe something to help with your appetite and sleep and I'd like you to try to start eating proper food again- preferably in the mess hall where you may interact with the rest of the crew - instead of drinking nutritional supplements. I assume that's still what you're doing?” she didn't wait for Seven to respond before she continued. “I'm also going to allocate an extra 20 minutes of holodeck time per day to your allowance. I want you to find a programme with plenty of sunshine and use those 20 minutes to run that program. Your vitamin D levels are depleted which won't be helping the situation.”

 

Seven sighed, nodding her acquiescence. 

 

“And Annika?” Dr Galis paused, waiting for Seven to meet her eyes. “I know this is something you've previously refused but you've experienced untold trauma in your life and I would really like you to reconsider seeing the ships counsellor. I can give you something to help you sleep but he's the only one who can help you reconcile whatever is going on to cause your nightmares.”

 

Seven held the other woman's intense gaze, her thoughts racing. Something did need to change. Perhaps rejoining the collective wasn't suicide per se but it would end the life she had worked hard to build and the dark thoughts that had led her towards that path weren't ones she wanted to face again. “OK” she said finally. 

 

“Good, let me know what you decide.”

 

“You misunderstand doctor. I intended to convey my agreement to seeing the counsellor”

 

An incredulous look washed over the Bajoran doctors dark eyes before she smiled “I see… well… Good.” She recovered her professionalism quickly. “I'd like you to have two appointments per week for the next month alongside what I've prescribed and then I'd like to see you back here for review. The appointments will appear in your schedule automatically.”

 

“Very well” Seven agreed standing to leave without ceremony. She wanted so badly to move on, to leave her pain behind her and feel connected to those around her again. Nevertheless, she knew exactly which holoprogram she would choose to run to get her allocated sunshine. It was the only one she ever ran. And it wasn't one that helped her to forget. Quite the opposite in fact. 


	11. Chapter 11

Four months later and Seven had to admit that the prescribed course of action had significantly improved her state of mind and physical health. She was regularly managing at least five hours of sleep per night and the nightmares were, if not less frequent, at least less intense, the counsellor having instructed her in techniques of lucid dreaming which she employed successfully on the majority of occasions. There were still nights when she woke up cold and wet with sweat, her heart pounding, her throat dry. The thought occurred to her that perhaps she cried out in her sleep but if her crewmates in the neighbouring quarters heard her then none of them said anything. 

 

Eating better had proved something of a greater challenge but she had at least ensured that she consumed a more appropriate quantity of her nutritional supplements and as a result her body was slowly returning to a healthier state. The pallor that had overcome her once glowing skin had receded and to her crewmates who had never known her prior to her descent into the dark place she would now appear as merely incredibly pale skinned rather than someone clearly losing a battle with her demons. Her hair remained dull and thin and although she knew her follicles could be simulated as they had been when she first arrived on Voyager, for a reason she couldn't fathom, never mind explain, she felt that the restoration of her physical health and appearance should take its natural course rather than relying on technology to help her keep up appearances. She wasn't sure if this feeling was a result of the year she has spent living ‘the simple life’ with Chakotay or the influence of her sessions with the counsellor but it felt right and she was hesitant to analyse her motivations further. 

 

It was a little after midnight as she prepared to leave her quarters and go to the mess hall. The counsellor had suggested that perhaps going there for a hot drink before she retired for the night would be a good way of easing herself into spending more time around the crew and she could work up from there to eating there and eventually, hopefully, socialising. The majority of her shift mates would be in their beds by now so it would be the beta shift who she was most likely to encounter which was another temptation for going to the mess hall this late. Aside from any engineering crew who might recognise her from when she had pulled double shifts it was highly unlikely that anyone would recognise her at all so it felt like a completely fresh start if she were to talk to any colleagues. Not tonight though, she assured herself. Tonight was just about acclimation. Glancing briefly in the mirror that she had replicated she was pleased to see that her eyes looked brighter than they had in sometime and the ice blue t shirt she had selected matched their hue. Turning to the door she strode out with purpose for the first time in many months actually looking forward to reaching her destination. 


	12. Chapter 12

A nightly chamomile tea in the mess hall had become a ritual for Seven over the last month and tonight would be no different. She had worked up to eating a small snack with it, a buttered English muffin on some nights, a fruit cocktail on others and her stomach growled in anticipation as she made her way through the corridors. 

 

The same personnel were present most occasions and Seven felt happy to have begun to share some pleasantries with a select few whilst waiting in line at the replicator. One person she hadn't spoken to was a particularly enigmatic redhead who was usually sat at the counter with her friends. The first time Seven had seen her from behind her heart felt like it had leapt into her mouth, such was the resemblance to Kathryn Janeway. Her subsequent observations had confirmed that her auburn hair was largely where the resemblance ended although she did appear to possess a magnetic personality and seemed to command the respect of her circle much like Kathryn did. The hair alone was enough to keep Seven's eyes wandering back to the woman over her mug and she was shocked when she looked up to see the redhead striding directly towards her. 

 

“Hey” the woman offered in greeting. 

 

“Good evening.” Seven nodded back, unsure of how to proceed. “May I be of assistance?”

 

“Perhaps” the woman replied, her voice was pleasantly deep and melodious. “I've been wondering: do we know each other? Only I've noticed you looking over at me… and you look awfully familiar”

 

“No. We have never been acquainted.” Seven answered her, assuming this would be the end of the conversation but not really wanting it to be. 

 

“Well that's a relief, I was beginning to doubt my memory” the woman smiled, “you seem like someone I'd remember meeting”, she continued, raising her eyebrows suggestively. 

 

“You're attracted to me” Seven surmised aloud. It was a statement not a question and it seemed to catch the other woman off guard. 

 

“Oh? You're certainly confident” she laughed back, trying to regain her composure. 

 

“Your phrasing suggests flirtation, your body temperature and heart rate are elevated, and your pupils dilate when you look at me. You're either attracted to me or afraid of me” Seven stated, deadpan. 

 

“Well when you put it like that…” The woman laughed, shrugging, “but wait… how did you…? Hang on… I do know you… well I recognised you anyway… you were on the Voyager crew weren't you? Are you… Seven of Nine was it?”

 

Seven looked down dismayed. “I don't go by that designation anymore…” she flicked her eyes back up to meet the other woman's gaze, “Perhaps now you are afraid of me?”

 

“No! God no, not at all.” The redhead protested emphatically, “I'm really sorry if I've made you feel uncomfortable, that wasn't my intention in the slightest… listen… can we start over? Pretend that whole conversation never happened?”, she appeared genuinely regretful and despite her initial misgivings Seven found herself lifting her head in agreement, “Very well”

 

“Right. So I've just arrived at the table… Hi, I'm lieutenant Alexia Woods but everyone calls me Lexi, may I join you?”

 

Seven felt the corners of her mouth twitch slightly in spite of herself, “You may. I am Annika Hansen”.

 

“I'm glad to meet you Annika” Lexi grinned genuinely, sliding into the seat opposite. 

 

They passed several hours in pleasant conversation before Seven felt her tiredness grow acute and decided she should make her apologies. Lexi had been drinking something she called Bloody Mary’s- although what the drink had to do with an ancient Earth monarch Seven had no clue-  and appeared to be intoxicated when she offered to walk Seven back to her quarters. Not wanting to appear rude she had agreed to the suggestion, despite thinking the gesture was a strange one. 

 

“These are my quarters” Seven remarked as they reached her doors, “thank you for an enjoyable evening”. She thought Lexi would bid her goodnight but instead the woman looked at her expectantly so she continued “goodnight Lexi”.

 

The expectant look vanished and was replaced by a wry smile. “Goodnight Annika” Lexi replied in a hardly audible voice before suddenly standing on tiptoes and brushing her lips briefly against Seven's and then just as suddenly retreating down the corridor. “I hope to see you again soon” she called over her shoulder and then was gone.

 

It was barely a kiss but Seven found that she had closed her eyes instinctively at the gesture and was now left stunned in the hallway outside her quarters, the smell of tomato juice and Lexi’s perfume hanging in the air around her. Snapping back to herself she made her way to bed, the warmth of the evening and the human contact lulling her into a gentle sleep for once. 


	13. Chapter 13

The following day Seven sat in the mess hall to consume her nutritional supplement during her break. A mug of coffee stood steaming on the table next to her. Just like every other black coffee she had ever replicated, this one would be returned to the recycler untouched. The intention was never to drink it, merely to enjoy the aroma which still made her feel safe and close to Kathryn somehow, despite the many light years and aeons of emotional turmoil that gaped between them. The more Seven had considered the events of the previous evening the more unsettled she had become. Lexi had made a pass at her and as much as she found the woman attractive and was warmed by the experience of being desired, her feelings for Kathryn still raged within her like a storm, unbidden by the distance. All she really wanted from the other woman, from anyone, was an uncomplicated friendship. An acquaintance even. Someone with whom to pass rest days and evenings. Certainly not a lover.

 

The last thing she expected to see when she looked up was Lexi waving a hand to her as she strode purposefully across the room. Doing her best to put her thoughts aside she fixed her face into an impassive mask. 

 

“Lieutenant Woods” she said, inclining her head slightly as Lexi reached the table. 

 

Lexi’s face dropped, “That's rather formal?” she answered, the unspoken question hanging in the air. When Seven didn't respond she continued, “Can I sit down? I wanted to talk to you about last night…”

 

Seven knew it was a necessary discussion. She needed to inform the redhead that she wasn't interested in pursuing a romantic affiliation but, uncertain of how to begin the discussion, she decided to buy herself some time and let Lexi say whatever it was she had come to say.

 

“As you wish” she nodded, her tone colder than she had intended.

 

Lexi took the seat opposite her hesitantly and Seven watched as the other woman fidgeted briefly with a silver ring on her thumb, the confidence the other woman had oozed the previous night diminished in the cold light of day. Taking a deep breath Lexi looked up with hazel eyes and started to speak. “I wanted to talk about my behaviour actually… I think I probably overstepped the mark a bit. So I wanted to apologise. I didn't intend to make things awkward between us and although, as you quite rightly pointed out, I am attracted to you, I get that you don't feel the same way and… I don't have any expectations. I really enjoyed talking to you and I would really like it if we can be friends…”

 

Seven watched her for a moment, assessing the veracity of Lexi’s words, allowing her ocular implant to read otherwise imperceptible signs that the other woman was giving off. There was no indication that the woman was lying and relief washed over her at reaching that conclusion. “I would… like that too” she said finally, earning a dazzling smile from her companion. 

 

“Well! I gotta tell you, that was an easier conversation that I expected!” Lexi laughed. “Look, a few of us from security are going to run a rock climbing program on the holodeck this evening. There'll be a barbecue after. Care to join us? It should be a lot of fun and we could use an extra person so we've got even numbers for belaying.”

 

Seven only hesitated briefly before agreeing. The counsellor had encouraged her to try new forms of exercise and to socialise more frequently so the offer seemed a perfect opportunity. 

 

“Great, 19:00 holodeck 1” Lexi confirmed as Seven stood to return her empty glass and untouched coffee to the replicator. “Aren't you going to drink that?” she asked, indicating the mug. Seven shook her head. “Mind if I do then? It looks, and smells, like the perfect cup of coffee, and I could sure use it.” 

 

Seven held the mug out to Lexi who took a long swig from it gratefully, rolling her eyes back into her head in faux ecstasy. Clearly this woman had more in common with Kathryn than Seven had first thought…  _ Kathryn _ ... An icy finger of grief stabbed at her heart. Suddenly compelled to return the honesty which Lexi had offered Seven spoke in a low voice. “You should know that your assumption that your attraction to me is unreturned is incorrect. But my heart belongs to another and that will never change.” When Lexi’s only response was a stunned stare Seven continued, “I hope the invitation to join you later still stands?”

 

Forced out of her shock Lexi bobbed her head in affirmation. “Of course. I'll see you there” she croaked.

 

Seven didn't look back as she walked out of the mess hall. She didn't know if she had done the right thing but it was too late to question her decision now and she had work to be doing. Without giving the conversation another thought she made her way back to engineering to finish her duty shift.


	14. Chapter 14

The following six months passed by uneventfully aboard the USS Seeker. The mission was going smoothly and unlike the time Voyager spent in the Delta Quadrant interactions with other species and traders went to plan and followed the clear rules laid out by the Federation. Seven had continued her sessions with the ships counsellor, although these were only one every two weeks now, and she had enjoyed building friendships with her engineering crewmates as well as Lexi and her beta shift security friends. Lexi was still the only person she could say she was in any way close to. Since the initial night they had met there had been no further attempts at initiating romance or physicality between them. On the odd occasion when she was present when the security officer had been drinking Seven could plainly read the lust in her hazel eyes but for the most part Lexi’s concealed those feelings and respected her desire to keep their relationship platonic and for that Seven felt grateful. 

 

She had never told Lexi what had happened, not in full. She had said that she had been engaged, but that she truly loved someone else and in the process of realising it had destroyed both relationships. Further than that she couldn't bring herself to go but it had been nice to share even that small piece of her pain with another person. Sometimes it seemed as though her loneliness was slowly ebbing away and she had moments of thinking perhaps one day she would be able to move on. Most of the time however Kathryn still occupied her thoughts and more and more she wished they could at least talk. She missed her smile and the fire in her eyes. She missed her elegant hands and her graceful way of moving. She missed the deep timbre of her voice and the way she always knew just what to say. She missed her so painfully at times that it felt like she might stop breathing. She never did though and so life continued. Most of her crewmates would never realise the depth of the turmoil in her heart although she was still in the habit of replicating black coffee daily just to have the aroma around her which she was astute enough to realise some people had begun to find odd.

 

The day was a Tuesday and she and Lexi had a standing arrangement to surf together in the holodeck after the beta shift finished. To her astonishment Seven had found that she enjoyed the pastime immensely, the lashing of frigid waves was exhilarating, so she was disconcerted to not feel her usual sense of anticipation as she made her way to the holodeck on this evening. Thoughts of Kathryn had been particularly distracting all day and as hard as she had tried to force them down her usual techniques weren't working. She had booked the half hour prior to her slot with Lexi to use for her daily sunshine allocation and as she keyed the parameters for her program her heart sank as it suddenly dawned on her why Kathryn was so prevalent in her thoughts this day. The date on Earth would be May 20th. Kathryn’s birthday. Her hand flew to the chain around her neck and she dipped her fingers into her shirt to clasp the emerald pendant that had hung there every day since she departed Earth. She stood lost in thought for several moments, hardly noticing other crewmen walking past before finally making a few alterations to the program and stepping onto the holodeck. 

 

Usually she would be greeted by the bright midday sunshine of Bloomington, Indiana but the changes she had made meant that the light was fading as the sun set over the horizon. Kathryn had always promised to take her to her hometown when they reached Earth. It had never happened in real life but Seven had come to this program every day and she felt she knew it now perhaps even as well as Kathryn herself. The alterations she had keyed in meant that the simulated time of day would be the same as it would in the real Bloomington and the knowledge that perhaps Kathryn was watching the same sun set made her heart ache for the other woman. A chorus of crickets accompanied her as she made her way to her favourite spot on a grassy hillock near to the Janeway farm. Her tears had started to fall almost as soon as she had entered the holodeck and as she slumped onto the soft ground she wrapped her arms around her knees and wept uncontrollably for the first time in many months. 


	15. Chapter 15

Seven didn't hear the holodeck doors slide open to admit Lexi. In the half hour since she had arrived her sobs had ended but her tears still tracked a hot path down both cheeks as she sat staring out over the Indiana fields, the soft light of the simulated moon making the grass look almost like water. 

 

“Annika?”, Lexi’s voice startled her as she called out. In different circumstances she might have jumped up or wiped her face in an attempt to compose herself, but in this moment she found that she didn't have the energy to pretend nothing was wrong. 

 

“I'm here” she managed to call back, her voice somehow holding and not betraying her emotional state. 

 

Lexi was staring up at the stars as she made her way over to where Seven sat, her arms still hugging her knees. 

 

“This place is beautiful. Its Earth right? Is this home to you?” Lexi asked, still not looking at her. 

 

Seven sucked in a shaking breath, “I thought perhaps it might be one day, but I was mistaken” she croaked back causing the other woman to snap her head around to face her finally, concern evident in her hazel eyes. 

 

“Oh my God Annika are you crying?” she exclaimed, sinking quickly onto her knees beside Seven and placing a warm hand firmly on her shoulder. “What's the matter?” she asked, her eyes roaming Sevens face. 

 

“I'd prefer not to talk about it, I… I'm sorry… I shouldn't have let you see me like this” Seven answered, turning her head away. 

 

Gently, more gently than Seven realised she was capable of, Lexi brought a hand up to cup her cheek and turned her head back until their eyes met. Her voice was soft and low when she spoke, “Don't you ever apologise for showing your emotions in front of me. We're friends. That's what I'm here for.” Their gaze locked for several moments before Seven felt herself pulled into a hug. It was the most prolonged physical contact she had shared with anyone since Chakotay and it felt so good that she found herself wrapping her arms around the other woman and burying her face into her auburn hair.

 

When they pulled apart Lexi cupped her face in both hands. “You're so beautiful” she whispered, “I wish I could take this pain away from you” she leaned her head forward to kiss one of Sevens puffy eyes, “you don't deserve to feel like this” she continued, kissing the other eye. Seven was aware that the other woman's heart rate had increased; she knew what it meant but she didn't care. It felt nice to be desired. “I might not be able to take your pain away, but maybe I can at least take your mind off it for a little while?” Lexi said before pressing her lips against Seven's gently in silent question. 

 

Seven answered by kissing her back in earnest. She was tired of being alone and she wanted to feel something, anything, aside from the shattering pain that clawed at her heart. Lexi didn't take much encouragement, deepening the kiss and Seven allowed herself to be pushed back onto the soft grass, the other woman's hands roaming her body over her clothes. 

 

When Lexi’s fingers reached under her t shirt Seven gasped at the sensation on her bare skin. Dimly she was aware that they were crossing a line and that allowing this intimacy to continue could signify the end of their friendship. As Lexi trailed nimble fingers down her flat stomach and under the waistband of her pants the fear of losing the one friend she had was suddenly overwhelming and Seven covered Lexi’s hand with her own human one, intending to stop things before it went any further. Lexi broke their kiss and as if reading her mind smiled, “It's OK” she murmured, “No strings. Just let me look after you”. Seven felt fingers twitch at the top of her blonde curls and instead of stopping the hands descent as she had intended she pushed both of their hands down between her legs where she felt herself growing wet, the need to banish her pain winning out over her better judgement. 

 

Lexi wasted no time in finding her clit, a finger either side of her bundle of nerves rubbing her with just the right amount of pressure to make her moan into the other woman's mouth. When the hand dipped lower to her entrance Seven tensed- letting her inside seemed too intimate somehow, and the compact security officer intuitively understood, stroking back up to where Seven wanted her most, expertly increasing the intensity until Seven's breaths were coming in ragged bursts and her Borg enhanced hand screwed into a fist in the grass, trying to keep herself grounded. There was nothing languid or teasing about the way Lexi was touching her and Seven felt her orgasm ramping up inside her, her muscles clenching rhythmically in time with the other woman's ministrations until, with images of Kathryn playing behind her eyes, it exploded throughout her body leaving her shaking and boneless. Physically and emotionally exhausted she closed her eyes and clung onto Lexi like her life depended on it until she felt oblivion claim her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda worried people won't like this development but hope you can stick with it...


	16. Chapter 16

Seven fought hard against the feeling of her consciousness returning, squeezing her eyes closed and pulling the pillow over her head. The realisation that she was in a bed, and not her own bed, hit her suddenly and she sat bolt upright. 

 

“Computer, lights, full illumination” she demanded, breathing hard. The lights blinded her briefly and she squinted to take in her surroundings. 

 

“Morning sleepyhead” came Lexi’s unmistakable voice from across the room. 

 

“Where are we?” Seven asked, still disorientated but now able to look properly around the room, her eyes settling on where Lexi sat on a long couch, her booted feet on low table, a padd in one hand, a beer in the other. 

 

“My quarters.” Lexi answered as if it should be obvious. It probably should have been. “You fell asleep… after… and I didn't have the heart to wake you. How are you feeling?” she asked, standing up and wandering over to the replicator. 

 

Seven couldn't quite fathom how to answer the question so she responded with one of her own, “How did we get here?”

 

“Don't panic, I didn't carry you through the corridors or anything” Lexi chuckled, “I was at the academy with Zahoor who works the transporter room on gamma shift and he owed me a favour” she smiled reassuringly, thrusting a mug into Seven's hands, “Chamomile tea” she added. 

 

Seven accepted it gratefully, wrapping her fingers around the mug and letting the heat seep into her bones. “What time is it?” she asked, still too disorientated to consider referencing her own chronometer. 

 

“04:12. You've been asleep for nearly four hours”, Lexi responded “you were talking in your sleep, you kept saying a name over and over”.

 

“What name?” Seven asked, trying to appear casual although she knew the answer without having to hear it. 

 

“Cassie maybe or Cathy, something with a ‘Ca’, I couldn't tell… is she the one you're in love with?” Lexi asked innocently enough, perching on the bed, close enough for Seven to feel her body heat. 

 

“I'd prefer not to talk about it” 

 

Lexi nodded and they sat in amiable silence for long moments before the other woman spoke again “Annika I…” she started before Seven cut her off. 

 

“I don't want you to call me that. It's not my designation. I don't want to be Annika anymore …”

 

“OK?” Lexi replied, clearly confused “What should I call you?”

 

“Seven of Nine… or just Seven”

 

“Your Borg designation?”. Lexi looked at her, surprise evident in her tone. 

 

“It's been my name for longer than any other... I thought if I could stop being Seven of Nine then I could stop feeling… the way I felt… but I realise now how futile that was…” she trailed off not sure how else to explain her request. 

 

“Alright … Seven: I want you to know that what happened on the holodeck… that doesn't change anything between us as far as I'm concerned. I know you've got feelings for someone else and I meant what I said about it being no strings. If you'd rather just pretend that never happened then that's alright. But you know what they say…” she smirked knowingly. 

 

“What who says?” Seven asked, confused, feeling groggy from sleep and still unfamiliar with human colloquialisms. 

 

“You know ‘Sometimes the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else’…” she paused for a moment and Seven felt a puzzled look flash across her face. “God I'm sorry I just heard that out loud and it sounded a lot better in my head” Lexi cringed  “I just mean… if you wanted to… come to an arrangement… we both have needs right? We've been out here for two years and I know some people might be OK with getting their rocks off with a holocharacter or paying for it on shore leave but it's not my style and I don't get the impression that it's yours either… it's just an idea…”

 

Seven pondered the notion for a moment. She had honestly never considered herself as having ‘needs’ but as she replayed the earlier events over in her mind she felt something stirring in her core. The idea was not without its appeal. Her feelings for Kathryn hadn’t changed or diminished in her time away but the experience of being wanted appealed to base instincts that until recently she had kept firmly under control. “I will… give it some thought” she managed finally. 

 

Lexi nodded. “You can talk to me you know. If you decide you want to. I know you probably think I'm just some meat headed security officer but I'm a good listener.”

 

Seven looked into her mug, watching the steam that rose up from it swirling in the air. “Thank you.” She sighed. “I should go. I'm on duty soon and I need to get ready”. She knew that if she asked Lexi would undoubtedly let her use her sonic shower and replicator but she wanted some time away from the woman to process her myriad feelings about the last several hours. 

Standing up, she recycled her mug and hesitated by the door, suddenly unsure of how to depart given what had passed between them. Lexi made no move to rise off her perch on the bed and Seven found that she was relieved that things seemed unchanged as had been promised. 

 

“So I'll see you Friday for climbing right? Hanks has programed a new rock face that he wants to run- says it should challenge even you!” Lexi said, her tone light and jovial. 

 

Seven inclined her head in affirmation. “I will look forward to it” she said before stepping out into the dimly lit corridors of the gamma shift and making her way back to her own quarters, alone once more. 


	17. Chapter 17

“You really are quite incredible at that” Lexi moaned as Seven reappeared from beneath the covers. “I don't think anyone has ever had me cumming so fast before”

 

Seven quirked her ocular implant, “I am Borg” she smirked, re fixing her bun.

 

“Well then let's hear it for Borg efficiency! God what was I even stressed about when I called you?” Lexi asked jokingly, stretching along the bed. 

 

“Two of your subordinates had been in a drunken fight with natives on their latest away mission. Your department head had reprimanded you for the incident.” Seven reminded her earning an exaggerated groan from the security officer. “I'll see you in two days for racquetball yes?” she added, sitting on the edge of the bed to pull on her boots.

 

Lexi put a hand on her thigh to stall her. “Don't go” she said, her voice smaller than Seven had ever heard it.

 

“I require sleep, my duty shift starts in 6 hours”

 

“So lie down here with me” Lexi returned, patting the bed. “I know we don't usually do sleepovers but… just this once? Just for a little while?” 

 

Seven hesitated. She had agreed to a ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement on very specific terms and staying the night seemed dangerously close to a romantic relationship that she didn't want. 

 

“It doesn't mean anything, nothing’s changed. I just really don't feel like being on my own right now…” Lexi offered reassuringly. 

 

Seven considered the situation. Not wanting to be alone was certainly a feeling she could relate to so reluctantly she slipped off her boots and lay down. “Do you wish to talk?” she asked rearranging the pillow under her head.

 

“No its OK, I know you're tired. Close your eyes if you like, I might just read for a little while… and Seven… thank you.”

 

“You're welcome”, Seven murmured, closing her eyes. The thought that Lexi might watch her sleep was strange. Chakotay had always fallen asleep and woken up after her so she was fairly sure that he never had. Kathryn had watched her regenerate, she knew that for certain and it was with thoughts of Voyager and her alcove and most of all Kathryn playing around her mind that she felt unconsciousness begin to claim her. 

_ “Regeneration cycle complete” intoned the computer voice. She opened her eyes and stepped out of her alcove into Cargo bay 2. Only this wasn't the cargo bay as she knew it. Green light suffused the room and the walls were lined with alcoves and Borg technology. As she stepped closer to inspect the drones she realised with horror that she was looking at B’lanna Torres and next to her was Tom Paris and next to him Harry Kim. With a gasp she recoiled, slapping her comm badge to hail the doctor but her hand hit only Borg exoplating. Stumbling off the dais she made for the door, breaking into a run as she entered the corridors which were thick with steam. As she rounded the corner towards sick bay she heard a blood curdling scream and stomach turned over as she recognised that the scream could only be coming from the Captain. Forcing the doors open she pushed inside the room and saw Kathryn laying on a biobed, surrounded by drones. She made towards them but more drones appeared from nowhere and held her back, however hard she fought she couldn't break free. “Seven, please. Please stop them.” Kathryn was begging her but her legs felt like they were surrounded by sand and she couldn't move. “Seven please. Please. I love you. Please.” Kathryn cried but still she couldn't move or speak. She watched paralysed as a drone released his assimilation tubules and plunged them into Kathryn’s neck, her face contorting in agony, a strangled scream leaving her lips. She watched as implants sprung up across her skin which quickly took on a grey, clammy hue. Finally the drones released her and she could move again but it was too late. “Kathryn! No!” she screamed…  _

 

“Computer lights 30%. Seven. Seven wake up. Wake up you're dreaming”. 

 

Seven became aware of firm hands shaking her shoulders and pushed herself upright, breathing heavily, her hair plastered to her face with sweat. She felt Lexi pull her close and she wrapped her trembling arms around the other woman's neck, stifling a sob as she did so and allowing the embrace to beckon her back into reality. 

 

“Shh, it's OK, you're right here, you're safe…” Lexi whispered, rocking them gently. “I didn't know you were still struggling with nightmares?” she asked, concerned.

 

Seven pulled away. “This one was different. New. I didn't know how to control it. I will next time.”

 

“There shouldn't have to be a next time!” Lexi replied exasperated. “Doesn't the counsellor have anything to say about stopping them all together?” 

 

“He said I must ‘face my demons’. I found his advice irritating and imprecise. I don't see him anymore.”

 

Lexi rolled her eyes. “Come sit with me on the couch a moment, I need a drink” she said walking into the lounge area and pulling the stopper out of a glass decanter before pouring a generous glug of amber liquid into a glass. “Want one?” she asked over her shoulder. 

 

“No. Thank you.” Seven replied from her seat on the couch. Why the other woman had even offered was a mystery to her. She never accepted. Just another quirk of humanity she found it hard to comprehend. She watched Lexi down the drink and pour another one before joining her on the couch. 

 

“Seven I wish… I wish you'd talk to me about it. Maybe I can help?” 

 

Seven held her intense gaze for a moment, feeling as if the woman's hazel eyes were boring into her. For a moment she thought she might open up but as she tried to form the words they died on her lips. 

 

Lexi sighed deeply, taking another pull from her drink. “It's Kathryn Janeway isn't it?” she said finally. 

 

Seven's stomach flipped over at the mention of the name. She considered denying it. She considered walking out. In the end neither option seemed right and she felt her resolve crumble away. “How did you know?” she asked, a quiver in her voice the only outward sign of her emotion now. 

 

“I've suspected for a little while. Your sunshine program is Bloomington isn't it?”. Seven nodded weakly. “It didn't take much to find out why that might be significant to you. And tonight is the second time I've heard you cry out ‘Kathryn’ in your sleep. Does she know how you feel?”.

 

“I wrote to her. We never discussed it in person. She wouldn't return my correspondence.”

 

“Really?” Lexi asked, her eyebrows shooting up her forehead. “Everything I've heard about her would never have had me believe she would shirk on something like that. Especially not where you're concerned. From what I read she really put herself on the line for you when you first got back.”

 

Seven raised her ocular implant as she regarded her friend, “You've certainly done your research” she noted, half amused, half touched, causing Lexi to flush with embarrassment. 

 

“Hey I was worried about you OK!” the redhead shot back, suddenly unable to meet her gaze. “Maybe it's not my place to say but I think if she was going to reject you she should at least have had the balls to look you in the face when she did it” she continued, anger only thinly veiled. 

 

Seven felt her own anger rise up at the affront to the woman she loved, “You're right, it's not your place to say. You know nothing of the circumstances. Kathryn is anything but a coward!” she snapped, immediately regretful. 

 

“I'm sorry I… I care about you is all. You deserve more. I really think you should go see her when we get back. Talk to her. Try and make her see. You can't go on like this, it's eating you up.” Lexi responded, all trace of anger utterly obliterated and replaced by very real concern. 

 

“Perhaps”, Seven allowed, her voice small and sad, “but I'm not sure I'd know how to start”

 

“You'll figure it out. You're Borg remember” Lexi replied with a wry smile. “Anyway, you've got to make some sort of decision about what to do when we get back. If the next two slipstream jumps go as well as the first one then we'll be in Mars orbit in six weeks and you'll be among the most sought after engineering consultants in the Quadrant!”

 

Seven nodded thoughtfully, allowing a comfortable silence before she spoke again. “What will you do when we get back?” she asked, diverting the subject away from herself. 

 

Lexi shrugged, “What I always do I guess. Take my leave, party some, drink too much and wait for my next posting to come through.”

 

“Do you think you'll ever stop? Settle down?” Seven probed, suddenly aware that she knew very little about the other woman's past or future plans.

 

The security officer let out a snort, “Been there, done that, got the scars to show for it. No I'm strictly a casual kind of girl now” she laughed but even Seven could see that the smile came nowhere near meeting her eyes. 

 

“What happened?” she asked softly, half expecting the other woman to change the subject again or make a joke. 

 

Lexi stared into her drink for long moments before finishing the remaining liquid in one swallow and rising abruptly to pour another. Her back was still to Seven when she finally answered. “I was engaged. She was killed in the Dominion War. I watched the light go out of her eyes as she died in my arms. Carrying on without her is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I can't open myself up to that kind of pain again.”

 

“I'm sorry” Seven offered, although the words sounded hollow and pathetic in the face of the revelation. 

 

“Don't be. It was a long time ago.” Lexi replied in a faraway voice before turning and regarding Seven with a firey look the likes of which she had never before seen from the security officer. “If you really love this woman as much as you seem to then you have to go and fight for her. Love like that is a once in a lifetime thing. Promise me Seven? Promise me you'll go to her?”

 

As Seven stared back she felt tears begin to well up in her eyes “I promise” she whispered.


	18. Chapter 18

Two months later and Seven had endured a full fortnight of debriefings. She stifled a yawn as she stood to leave, partially pleased at how much her human physiology had reasserted itself but mostly frustrated as she saw Admiral Johnson who was in command of the operation catch her in the act. To her dismay she found that they were headed for the same turbolift and she fixed her gaze on a point on the wall, hoping that he wouldn't try to engage her in conservation. 

 

“Main foyer” the man instructed as they stepped into the lift together. “Congratulations Ms Hansen, you must be very proud of how the testing went, it's going to revolutionise deep space exploration” he addressed her after a short and awkward silence. 

 

“I prefer to go by Seven of Nine” she answered automatically, “and yes the results were very pleasing, the entire crew performed commendably” she added, uncomfortable with taking credit regardless of how well deserved it was.

 

“Yes of course. It will be so noted.” he responded, “And the timing of your return couldn't have worked out better for you eh?”, he added with a smile. 

 

Seven regarded him with confusion, “And why is that Admiral?” she asked eventually. 

 

“With the fourth anniversary reunion party for Voyager coming up this Saturday. You'll be attending I assume?”

 

Seven inhaled sharply at the unexpected mention of Voyager, “I was not… I am not aware of the details” she stuttered as the lift doors opened at their destination. 

 

“Same venue as always as I understand it” he informed her with a smile. “You should go and let your hair down, goodness knows you deserve it after these last couple of weeks!’ he laughed. When she didn't respond he nodded in parting “No doubt I'll see you again soon” and then he was gone, leaving her alone with her thoughts. 

 

\---------

 

Saturday arrived quickly and Seven struggled to keep her apprehension under control as she walked to the Utopia Planetia transport station with Lexi by her side. They had ceased their physical intimacy after Lexi had opened up about her painful past, the smaller woman admitting that she used sex as a distraction from her emotional trauma and agreeing that it was time to see a counsellor in the hope of one day being able to form a more lasting bond again. Regardless of Lexi’s reasons, as soon as Seven had spoken aloud about her love for Kathryn she knew there was no way she could even imagine being with anyone else, let alone go through with it. In truth Seven felt closer to Lexi than ever and it was with a heavy heart that she prepared to say goodbye to her friend. 

 

“Are you ready?” Lexi asked, bringing Seven back from her thoughts. 

 

“I am… unsure. But I will adapt.” She replied as honestly as she knew how. 

 

“Well you look amazing”, the redhead smiled sideways at her as they approached the terminal, coming to a stop outside the main entrance. 

 

Seven looked down at herself. Her hair was left loose around her shoulders and she wore black slacks and an emerald green blouse to go with her ever present necklace. “Thank you Lexi” she said sincerely. 

 

“Hey, I only speak the truth” the other women shrugged. 

 

“No... I mean thank you for everything. You have been a good friend to me this past year. I don't know where I'd be without you.”

 

“Don't go getting sentimental on me Borg.” Lexi teased. 

 

Seven was quiet for a moment, thinking back to a conversation she'd had with Dr Spinnaker almost three years previously. “Did you know that the Earth race known as the Ancient Greeks used many words to talk about different kinds of love?” she said finally.

 

Lexi shot her a confused look, “Of all the things I thought you might say that was not one…”

 

“I love you Lexi” Seven cut her off. “As a friend I mean. I wanted you to know.”

 

Lexi pulled her into a fierce hug but not before she could she the other woman's eyes shining with unshed tears.

 

“This isn't goodbye” Lexi whispered, her voice thick with emotion, “It's just ‘until next time’”.

 

They held each other for a time until Lexi finally pulled away, wiping her eyes “You should go, I don't want you to miss your shuttle”

 

Seven regarded her friend. “Will you be OK?” she asked. 

 

“Of course, don't you worry about me!” she laughed, effortlessly slipping her carefree persona back into place although by now Seven knew her well enough to understand that it was a just a front. “I ship out again next week but that's no excuse to be a stranger OK, I'll still be in communications range and I want to know how this works out!” she added. 

 

Seven could only nod. 

 

“Now go!”, Lexi smiled, “Go get your girl!”

 

With a final squeeze of the other woman's hand Seven turned and walked into the terminal, mixed emotions waring inside in her stomach but determination to keep her promise to the friend she was leaving behind winning out.


	19. Chapter 19

When she arrived at the venue Seven found that her legs wouldn't carry her inside. Anxiety had risen up powerfully on the way to the hotel and no matter how many times she began to cross the street she found herself back where she started, lurking in the shadows, watching former colleagues coming and going seemingly without a care in the world.

 

During her time as a drone she had been utterly fearless. Even once severed from the collective on Voyager she had looked death in the face on numerous occasions and never felt the kind of crippling fear she experienced in these moments as she prepared to face those she had once called friends and, she hoped, the woman who held her heart. 

 

As the night wore on she slowly managed to bring her nerves under control but her resolve to “get the girl” had been shattered and as she stepped up to the doors her intention where Kathryn was concerned had morphed into merely hoping to at least rekindle the friendship that they had once shared. Her feelings remained unchanged but striding in and declaring her undying love seemed suddenly impossible and she knew she had to allow some concession to at least get her over the threshold. 

 

The first person she saw as she entered the room was B'elanna. Their eyes locked and the look on the half Klingon’s dark features was inscrutable as she stalked towards where Seven had frozen. Seven felt sure that she was about to be struck and thinking that perhaps she deserved it she closed her eyes and clenched her hands into fists at her side, preparing herself for the blow. Not for a moment had she expected to be greeted in kindness and it was with utter shock that she realised that B’elanna had wrapped her in a tight embrace. Lifting her hands from her sides she was able to return the hug only briefly before B’elanna pulled back. “Seven? My God Seven where have you been? I've been so worried. Why didn't you call me? Why didn't you tell me what was going on? By the time Chakotay filled us in you were gone. I thought you were dead. I thought… dammit Seven I don't know if I want to hug you or hit you!” the dark haired woman blustered before opting for the former. 

 

As she returned the embrace Seven scanned the room over the other woman's shoulder. Of the senior staff she could only see Tom and the Doctor, both of whom had clearly witnessed the commotion and were now heading over to where the two women stood, just inside the entrance. 

 

“Tom can you believe it?”, B’Elanna exclaimed as the two men reached them.

 

“Good to see you Seven” the former helmsman smiled, his gaze lingering over her breasts fractionally longer than any other part of her anatomy although not long enough for his wife to notice. 

 

“Seven!” the doctor beamed, “I must say your little vanishing act certainly had a few people quite concerned. Until B'elanna managed to extract basic information on your whereabouts from your former supervisor that is. I of course had no doubt that you would return safe and sound.” he said in a self congratulatory tone as always. 

 

Seven snapped her head around to B'elanna who looked sheepish.

 

“Don't worry no one got hurt” she said looking down at the floor. “I just explained how worried we were and she said that you'd taken a position on a diplomatic mission. I was a little surprised that you would go in for something so mundane but I was so relieved you were alive I didn't question it. I wanted to contact you but she wouldn't tell me any details about what ship you were on and you weren't on any official crew manifest that I could find…” The dark skinned woman trailed off apologetically. 

 

“I'm sorry B'elanna. I'm sorry for worrying any of you. I assumed you wouldn't want to know me after what I did to Chakotay”

 

B'elanna looked genuinely hurt, “How could you think that Seven? After all we'd been through?”

 

In an uncharacteristic moment of sensitivity Tom took the doctor by the arm and began to lead him away, “Come on doc I think it's time to get these ladies a drink and leave them to catch up a little…”

 

Seven felt foolish all of a sudden. Perhaps she had underestimated the other woman and had spent two years feeling needlessly desolate, “But… but your friendship with Chakotay… I thought…”

 

“I'm your friend too Seven. Never forget that. I know Chakotay and I go back a long way but…”, she trailed off, an understanding passing silently between them. 

 

“How is he?”, Seven asked after long moments. She was almost afraid to ask but curiosity got the better of her. 

 

B'elanna paused as if considering how much to say. “He's good…”, she paused again before continuing. “Great actually” the smaller woman said, ruefully. “He just had a baby if you can believe it”, she added, almost as an afterthought. “We visited two weeks ago, he's a gorgeous little thing, they've named him Kolopak for his father”.

 

Seven smiled a sad smile, the realisation of how much she had missed by running away from her feelings dawning on her suddenly. “He will make a wonderful father” she managed finally. 

 

The four friends spoke for over an hour, the warm familiarly of old friendships and the ease with which the conversation flowed soothing Seven's frayed nerves and re enlivening places in her she didn't even realise she had allowed to wither. At some point Tom stepped away from the group and when he returned a look of regret was painted across his fair features. 

 

“That was my dad on the comm. Miral has barfed on him and is now refusing to go to bed without mommy”

 

“But Tom!” B'elanna protested, earning a shrug from her husband. 

 

“You should go” Seven piped up before the interaction could turn into an argument. “I'm not planning on ‘vanishing' again, we will see each other soon” 

 

B'elanna appeared to concede and started to stand before covering Seven's hand with her own “Where are you staying?”

 

Seven was stymied, in all her nervousness she hadn't thought to secure accommodation. “I… I only just arrived back earlier today… I haven't made any arrangements but I'll find a room. I'm sure this establishment has one available… I'll keep you informed” she added, assuming that the other woman wanted some reassurance that she was indeed not planning to disappear again. 

 

“Nonsense, you'll stay with us. For as long as you like.” the smaller woman said in a tone that allowed no argument. “We've got a place in Sausalito, the doctor will give you the address when you're done here. Don't cut your evening short, I'll make up the spare room for you. I'm sorry about this…” she added, pulling on a jacket that Tom handed to her. 

 

“Thank you, that's most kind” Seven replied, deeply touched by the gesture but somehow managing to keep her voice steady. 

 

The remainder of the evening with the Doctor went by quickly. He told her of all his exploits and she was happy to just listen, occasionally scanning the room for Kathryn but certain by now that, for whatever reason, the other woman wasn't coming. She was an Admiral after all and sure to be busy.

 

“Seven you seem distracted. Is there something on your mind?” the doctor asked finally. 

 

Seven thought carefully before she mentioned their former Captain, but, concluding that the doctor would have no reason to guess her true feelings she spoke honestly when she answered. “I had been hoping to see the Admiral. I suppose she was otherwise engaged this evening?” she said, leaving the door open for him to fill in the blanks if he saw fit. 

 

“Well… that's what she would have us all believe.” The doctor answered cryptically before continuing in a hushed voice. “But between you and me, people are starting to think there's more to it. This is the third reunion she's missed and we've hardly heard from her since the first anniversary. She won't attend any social functions and apart from recommendations here and there she doesn't respond to correspondence. Its most unlike her I must say but she's blocked my access to her medical records and if she is choosing to isolate herself then that's her decision I suppose.” He sighed deeply. “I don't even know where she's living anymore or I'd just go and see her.” 

 

Seven felt concern wash over her like iced water. She had to see the other woman, she needed to know she was alright but it suddenly seemed as though contacting her was going to be a lot harder than she had hoped.


	20. Chapter 20

One week and a lot of research later Seven stood opposite the block that she had identified as being Kathryn’s current residence. The other woman was clearly not keen on being found and had rented the place under a false name but Seven's determination, and ability to employ Borg algorithms in her searches had led her to her door. 

 

Her concern for the other woman had grown over the days since the reunion and her main objective for the evening was to ascertain that Kathryn was well. As such she had given little thought to what she was wearing and had pulled on a pair of blue jeans and a black t shirt and had left her hair down around her shoulders. 

 

As she watched from across the street she could see Kathryn’s unmistakable silhouette moving about near the windows and her heart raced with anticipation and anxiety as she made the decision to step up to the door and face her destiny. 

 

Only seconds after she knocked Kathryn pulled open the door with a bright smile on her face “that was quick…” she said in a light voice before her face dropped. Clearly she had been expecting someone else. “Seven?” she croaked, eyes darting wildly. “What are you doing here?”.

 

Seven pulled in a steadying breath. “Can I come in?” she asked, keeping her voice low and even. 

 

“I… this is not a great time… I… was there something in particular that you wanted?” Kathryn stuttered back, the faintest hint of a tremor in her voice. 

 

“I was hoping we could talk”, Seven responded, desperate to just get the other woman alone so she could assess the situation. 

 

“Does your husband know you're here?” Kathryn shot back, the tremor gone and replaced by barely concealed bitterness. 

 

“Husband?” Seven's mind was reeling. What was she talking about husband? She knew full well she didn't have a husband… “Chakotay and I didn't marry. After that night I…” she started to explain before an unthinkable realisation dawned on her. “You didn't read my letters did you?”

 

Kathryn shook her head no. “I was afraid. I was afraid you'd tell me how much you regretted that night. Afraid that you'd tell me how much you loved him, that you'd beg me for my silence. And I couldn’t face it.”

 

Seven felt sick. All this time she had thought Kathryn hated her. Had rejected her. And in reality the other woman had no idea of her true feelings. Had presumably spent the last three years thinking that she was living out some kind of marital bliss in New Mexico. She wanted to cry but somehow she schooled her voice to remain steady. “I was hoping to see you at the reunion last week but the doctor told me you have missed the last three. I became worried about you. Please let us talk inside.”

 

“Kathryn? Is everything alright?” a woman's voice called from inside the apartment, the sound of footsteps coming towards the door.

 

Seven started at the sound, suddenly terrified that she was about to come face to face with Kathryn’s lover. Or, worse still, wife. “I apologise. I didn't realise you had company. I will leave.” Certain she had waited too long and missed her opportunity for good she turned on her heel and started to retreat. 

 

“Wait!” Kathryn’s voice called after her. Seven heard the older woman's bare feet closing the gap between them quickly and felt long fingers around her wrist, spinning her around so they were facing. “It's just my sister.” Kathryn said breathless. “Please don't go. I'd like it if we could talk.”

 

Relief flooded her and she stared down at the place where Kathryn touched her, wanting nothing more than to lace their fingers together and lead the smaller woman indoors away from the cool air and prying eyes of passers-by. 

 

“Katie I'm starving in here what's the hold up…? Oh!” came a voice from the doorway. “Katie is everything OK?”

 

“Yes. Yes I think so.” Kathryn replied. “Seven came here… I think we need to talk”

 

“Of course” her sister responded without question. “I'll get my coat.” 

 

“Please don't leave on my account” Seven implored, afraid that she was interrupting a private evening between family. 

 

“No no, it's fine I need to get back to Indiana anyway because… um… the… mom… Oh whatever! I'm just going to get out of your way.” the younger Janeway sister bumbled. “If you're sure you're going to be OK Kathryn?”

 

“Yes. I believe so.” Kathryn answered quietly, her eyes never leaving Seven's face. 

 

The other woman disappeared back inside just as a delivery boy arrived at the gate and offered  a package which Kathryn accepted absently.Moments later Kathryn’s sister reappeared wearing her coat, her bag slung over her shoulder. “Enjoy the Sushi” she remarked with a wry smile as she passed them, and then they were alone. 


	21. Chapter 21

Seven allowed herself to be ushered inside and slipped her shoes off before sinking into the couch where Kathryn indicated.

 

“Can I get you a drink?” Kathryn offered, dumping the package, which Seven surmised was a Sushi delivery, on to the counter to without ceremony. 

 

“A chamomile tea would be sufficient. Thank you”

 

Kathryn turned away without saying anything more and replicated the tea and a black coffee before taking the seat opposite her. It seemed that neither of them dared to break the silence so instead they both sat cradling their mugs. Seven felt the last three years race around her mind, she wanted to talk, she wanted to tell Kathryn that she loved her but just as she had feared she didn't know how to start. 

 

In the end it was Kathryn who spoke first. “I'm guessing if I had read your correspondence I would know why you called it off with Chakotay?”

 

As it turned out those simple words were all the encouragement she needed and with a shuddering breath Seven began to talk, letting it pour out of her in a torrent. She told Kathryn how she had always doubted her relationship with Chakotay. How she had felt isolated and alone since arriving on Earth and how she had felt like marrying him was the logical thing to do even if deep down it didn't feel right. She told her how she blamed herself and thought herself broken and deficient for failing to love him. And she told her how at the first anniversary, when they had kissed she had set her blood on fire just like B'elanna had said would happen with the person you love.  “And then I knew beyond all doubt. It was you. It has always been you. It could only ever be you” she heard herself say, although she felt like she was in a dream and at any moment that ominous green tinge would appear and she would wake up sweating and alone again. At some stage she had started crying, a single tear making a hot path down her cheek and she swiped it away, frustrated at her inability to keep her emotions in check. 

 

When Kathryn didn't respond she kept talking, telling her how she had taken a post on a deep space mission and how she had waited all day for her at the transport hub thinking when she didn't show that she was hated. “I arrived planetside last week and went straight to to reunion hoping to see you. Hoping to ask your forgiveness and to try and find a way for us to be friends. I know I can't ask for anything more but I… I've missed you so much” she finished. Tears welling up uncontrollably she deposited her mug on the floor and pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes, willing them not to fall. 

 

She heard Kathryn rise from her place on the chair and cross the room but she couldn't bring herself to lift her eyes to the older woman. 

 

“It's me who should be begging your forgiveness. I've been such a fool” Kathryn whispered, kneeling in front of her before Seven felt gentle fingers on her chin raising her head until their eyes met. The sight that greeted her made her gasp. Kathryn’s face was streaked with tears that were still falling and instinctively she wrapped her arms around the smaller woman and pulled her close, holding her tight against her body and reveling in the feeling of hot breath against her neck. She was disappointed when, after what was admittedly a significant period, Kathryn pulled back but thankfully she didn't pull away completely and instead rested their foreheads together, her hands around Seven's neck playing with the chain of her necklace.  _ Kathryn’s necklace _ she thought, pulling away and reaching into the front of her shirt to hook the emerald pendant out with her thumb. 

 

“This was intended for you” she explained. “It's your birthstone. I had it with me that day at the transporter hub. I've worn it since. It felt like I was carrying a little piece of you with me… as illogical as that may sound”. Suddenly feeling foolish she looked at the floor. 

 

“It's beautiful. And the sentiment is very romantic. Romance needn't be logical” Kathryn responded, her fingers once again lifting Seven’s face until their eyes met with an intensity so strong that Seven felt for a moment that she couldn't breathe. 

 

For a fraction of a second Seven could have sworn the world stopped spinning and it seemed like all the universe was there in Kathryn’s eyes. Her past, her present, her future, all contained within those orbs which seemed suddenly to contain more colours than she could count. And then they were kissing and she felt fire roar through her veins just like it had three years ago in that tiny bathroom stall. It started slow and gentle; a reassurance, a promise; but soon Kathryn’s hands were tangled in her hair and she felt her head pulled down with urgency into a more forceful and passionate kiss than she had ever experienced. 

 

Leaning back she pulled Kathryn onto her lap, inserting her thigh between the older woman's legs so that her sex was grinding against her, the heat of it riding against her thigh pushing her own arousal higher until she could no longer stand to have clothing between her hands and Kathryn’s skin. Slipping her hands under Kathryn’s blouse she stroked up either side of her former Captain’s torso, marveling at the smoothness and soft lines of the other woman’s body. When she allowed her fingers to trace the line of Kathryn’s spine the smaller woman arched her back with a soft moan, shivering with pleasure and thrusting her pert breasts into Seven’s eyeline. Seven swallowed at the sight of the woman’s nipples straining at the thin material of her shirt, unencumbered by underware. Unable to resist she brought her hands around to cup the small breasts with both hands, rasping her thumbs over Kathryn’s nipples which pebbled instantly at her touch and eliciting a deep groan from the other woman which sent a bolt of heat through her core- such was the visceral effect the other woman’s voice had always had on her. 

 

When Kathryn started to fumble with the buttons of her blouse Seven briefly considered simply tearing the flimsy material away but instead she lifted the offending item over Kathryn’s head and tossed it aside leaving her naked from the waist up. Seven drank in the vision before her hungrily, still unable to believe it was really happening. Kathryn was perfect to her. Every freckle, every scar, every part of her was utterly magnificent and she stared into the other woman’s eyes trying desperately to convey what she could never express with words. The older woman traced the starburst implant at her jaw with a feather light touch and she whimpered at the sensation. No one, not even Chakotay, had ever touched her implants like that, with such love and adoration, and her heart felt like it would burst as her feelings swelled up powerfully in her chest. She couldn’t bask in the emotion for long however as Kathryn was tugging at her shirt and she gratefully allowed the garment to be removed, desperate to feel Kathryn’s body against her own. 

 

As their skin rubbed together their kisses became rough and ardent, arousal coursing through her with force; the heat against her leg and the incredible musky scent coming off the older woman betraying her own heightened state of desire. Seven wanted that heat and that musk on her directly with no clothes to get in the way. Breaking the kiss she looked at Kathryn from beneath her eyelashes, “Stand” she commanded and Kathryn hesitated only briefly before climbing off of her lap and standing before her. 

 

Leaning forward Seven hooked her fingers into the waistband of the redheads pants and underwear, pulling both down with one swift movement so that she could gaze upon Kathryn in all her naked glory for the first time. She wanted to do far more than just look however and quickly she pulled Kathryn back down to her, only this time it was her hand that she inserted between her legs, delighting in the copious moisture that she found there. 

 

Her voice sounded thick and husky when she spoke. “You’re so wet” she whispered in to Kathryn’s ear, allowing her tongue to trace a line down the other woman’s neck as her fingers explored her folds, easily finding her bundle of nerves and circling it slowly, intending to draw the experience out and revel in pleasuring her love for as long as possible. As soon as she pushed her fingers inside however she could already feel Kathryn’s walls beginning to flutter and, not wanting to tease she changed her objective to ensuring that Kathryn came as hard as possible. Thrusting her fingers rhythmically she found the other woman’s clit with her thumb and as Kathryn ground against her hand she felt her hot passage contracting, bringing her closer to the edge. With a curl of her fingers Kathryn came, crying out as her internal muscles pulsed against Seven’s fingers again and again. 

 

Seven held the smaller woman tight as she came back to herself, and only when the tremors had stopped did she remove her digits from inside her. Overwhelmed by temptation she brought the hand to her mouth, licking the other woman’s juices off her fingers and inhaling the heady scent, groaning with delight at the taste and smell that flooded her senses. 

 

Kathryn regarded her with a look somewhere between shock and awe and pleasure before she spoke in a groan. “I want to taste you” she said as she climbed down to kneel before her as she had earlier that evening. 

 

Seven leaned back into the couch, hardly able to control her breathing as she watched the woman who had inhabited her deepest fantasies begin to trail delicate kisses down her body, letting her tongue explore the metal bands that still remained on her abdomen. The feeling of Kathryn’s tongue on her implants was so sensuous it made Seven’s breath catch in her throat - although if that was because they were so sensitive or because of who was attending to them Seven couldn’t be certain. 

 

When Kathryn removed her bra she immediately felt one nipple engulfed by the hot wetness of the redheads mouth, the other pinched and rolled perfectly between delicate fingers in a way that made her moan and push forward into the contact. The caress sent waves of heat throughout her body that settled in her core and soon she was grinding and rolling her hips trying desperately to feel more of Kathryn’s touch between her legs where she could feel herself growing slick with arousal. 

 

Her need was evidently clear and Kathryn released her nipples and ran her hands down the length of her flat stomach to the fastening of her jeans, undoing them easily and pulling them away as Seven lifted her hips off the couch. Dimly she was aware that perhaps she should feel self conscious to be exposing her most intimate areas to the other woman but in that moment she felt so wanton; so inflamed by desire; that she spread her legs wide and let Kathryn look upon her without impediment.

 

Kathryn looked for 3.4 seconds before lowering her head and licking the length of her slit and Seven found herself overwhelmed by the sensation, throwing her head back into the couch and letting out a whimper she had never heard herself make before. Kathryn’s tongue caressed her fully before concentrating on her clit, circling and sucking at it and Seven felt her hips rolling with the contact, her orgasm building rapidly deep within her. She had never tried to delay a climax before but here with Kathryn all she could think was that she didn’t want it to be over; that she wanted more; that she wanted the other woman to touch and taste every inch of her.

 

As if the smaller woman had read her mind she felt Kathryn bring her fingers up to her opening, letting them play in the wetness that was gathering there and she realised that she was waiting for some affirmation that entering her was acceptable. 

 

“Yes, aaahhh yes, I want you inside of me” she cried out and immediately she felt a finger push inside, her walls contracting around it and pulling her in. She had never once let Lexi cross this final barrier with her but now she wished she could take all of Kathryn inside of her so that they could become one. “More, uugghh, I want more of you” she pleaded and Kathryn obliged, adding another finger, all the while continuing the caress of her tongue. The dual sensation was too much to fight anymore and clutching Kathryn’s hair she felt her orgasm crash over her, wave after wave cascading over her entire body until every nerve ending was sparking and she was sated so completely that she could take no more. Pulling away she felt Kathryn's face against her thigh, the warmth of her breath causing her to twitch with pleasant aftershocks. 

 

“Kathryn” she whispered, needing to have the other woman nearer but unable to think coherently let alone form a sentence. The smaller woman needed no further encouragement and rejoined her, wrapping them together under a blanket that she retrieved from the back of the couch and entwining their bodies so that they could hold each other close. 

 

As her mind came back together the reality of what had just happened began to sink in. Just hours ago she had stood across the street wondering if they would even be able to regain some semblance of a friendship and now here she was holding the other woman in her arms, and naked no less. 

 

“This isn’t what I thought would happen when I came here this evening” she said eventually.

 

“No this isn’t quite how I expected this evening to pan out either”, Kathryn laughed, “But I’m very glad it did” she added quickly.

 

“What happens now?”, Seven asked, old insecurities starting to creep in and making her question if their intimacy had meant the same to the other woman as it had to her.

 

“We could have that Sushi if you like?” Kathryn answered casually.

 

Seven shot her a confused glance, “No I meant…”

 

“I know what you meant” Kathryn laughed, cutting her off and poking her playfully in the ribs. “Why don’t we just have something to eat and talk for a while? I think it’s pretty clear what we both want. I’m not going to fight it if you’re not.”

 

Relief flooded over her and Seven smiled back, the first truly genuine smile she could remember feeling in years. “Sushi would be acceptable” she answered and Kathryn rose to fetch the meal. Seven watched her from the couch, pulling the blanket around her shoulders. Suddenly a life on Earth seemed like a much more tempting prospect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all folks. I hope you liked it. Let me know your thoughts!


End file.
